What you need to know:
Is it your attitude, manners, demeanor that turns people away from you? Do you listen to people or you are the bossy type? Self-assessment will help you discover a lot about you.
Stella does not seem to get along well with her co-workers and church members. She longs to relate with others at a deeper level but she seems to be turned away at every turn. We all get rejected at one point or another. Rejection often leaves us with dark feelings of worthlessness, shame, sadness, loneliness, grief, loss, fear and pain.
Signs that you are rejected in a relationship include failure by your partner or friend to give you emotional support, they deny you intimacy and communication and feeling unfulfilled even when you are investing heavily in that relationship. People who have been rejected suffer from stress, trauma, pain and depression. Some become suicidal or withdraw from life and others suffer from rejection sensitivity dysphoria- an intense emotional response caused by the perception that you have disappointed by others multiple times.
This should be the commonest and easiest cause to establish. If you are so much into yourself with total disregard for others, no one will want to relate with you. In traditional African society, blood was exchanged to seal the bond of friendship. In essence, you became one with the other person or family. This was meant to encourage the spirit of sharing. This may not be relevant today but always remember that human nature thrives by relationships. And so, you have to give your time, money and everything within your reach to build stronger relationships.
As an ardent Bible reader, I will tell you no one touched God’s heart like King David. He had no supernatural power displays like of Moses, or divine encounters like that of Ezekiel, spiritual discipline like that of Daniel...but he was commended by God as “a man after my own heart.” Why? David was a student of God’s emotions. He was that boy who God wanted to see every time. That boy who despite his moral weaknesses cared so much to please God...That boy who came back from playing in the mud of sin but somehow after repenting God would want to embrace him. If you are a parent, you know what I am talking about. There is that child who is always on the wrong side of your laws but somehow you just love him. In relationships, you must become a student of your partners’ or friends’ emotions. And unlike God’s emotions, our emotions change and the more reason we need to study our friends on a daily. What makes them happy? What makes them sad? What brings the best out of them? You must intentionally find these out and use them to enhance their relationship with you.
When you visit a hotel or restaurant, they will make sure they present your order in such a way that it captivates your eye. Do you strive to be the best to people or do you not care what they think about you? How do you present yourself to others? Are you so casual about yourself you think you do not need to prove anything to them or are you intentionally presenting yourself with a little creativity every day?
Some of the presentation will not necessarily be in the clothes you wear but in the attitude you display. Do you celebrate when others achieve any milestone? Do you come through for people in times of need? Do you bring any knowledge in the conversations you have with them or are you the dreary one?
Some people hate themselves so much that they think they deserve to be treated badly. It may have been through a terrible childhood experience such as bullying neglect or abuse. Maybe they think they are not as beautiful, as intelligent or as tall... Such people do not care about what others feel or think about them. They often retreat to their world and would be glad if they kept their heads under the sand.
No matter how good you are, someone somewhere will not like you. Despite your best efforts at being friendly or courteous, you always come short in another’s eyes. What do you do? Nothing. They are not meant for you.
How to deal with rejection
Study yourself and study others. Why are you disliked? Is it your attitude, manners, demeanor that turns people away from you? How do you handle people? Do you listen to them or do you boss it over them? Self-assessment will help you discover a lot that needs improvement.
People who feel good about themselves will easily relate with others because they are secure in themselves to give and not demand of others. Talk back to yourself about how good and talented you are. You may not start out not believing everything positive you say about yourself but with verbal repetition, your mind will align with what your mouth is saying.
Focus on other people
There is this colleague I worked with, but we had no conversation at all. Despite being courteous, he often returned my greetings with a straight short answer, “I am fine.” One day I saw him watching an English Premier Football game on his phone. Although I am not familiar with all the football lingua, I went over, started a conversation on the game. We went on two hours. Every relationship has 100 per cent chance of success if we focuse on the other person and what they like.