Guardrails you need for your marriage in the workplace 

Workplaces can be spaces where people get involved in romantic relationships due to the fact that they spend long hours together. If you are single, that maybe fine, but if you are married and the boss, you may want to protect your marriage and job by building a hedge around it early enough for it to be protected. Here are some suggestions meant to help you draw those healthy boundaries:   

Keep a professional distance

 It is natural to be attracted to the person of the opposite sex when they are not your spouse. But do not be naive; temptation can come in process by process to make you fall. The moment you notice you are crushing on this person, it is time to flee not to negotiate with the temptation. Keep your conversations with them short and keep a professional distance from them and if both fail, cut off the relationship.      

Self-control

One of the guardrails you need for your marriage in the work place is self-control. According to Godfrey Malinga, a lawyer and lecturer of Law at Ndejje University, sexual harassment constititutes a violation of a person’s fundamental human rights protected under the Bill of Rights in the Constitution, the Uganda Employment Act 2006, Section 7, and the Uganda Penal Code Act. It provides that any person who intends to insult the modesty of any woman or girl, utters any word, makes any sound or intrudes upon the privacy of such woman or girl, commits a misdemeanor and is liable to imprisonment for one year. 

Watch what you watch or hear

 Eyes and ears are major entrances of many things into our souls. If you spend your time watching telenovelas where the tagline is cheating and more cheating, and pornography, and X-rated internet sites, do not be surprised when you start to think going in the same direction. How do you dress? Are you dressing to be smart or to arouse feelings in others? And if feelings arise and you cannot meet them, are you being considerate of others or do you not care?           

Invest in your marriage

As a leader, it is so easy to be busy building other people’s lives and forget to build yours of which your marriage is the most important. A good marriage does not just happen. You have to spend time with your spouse, speak their love language, play, joke, and get satisfaction from them. A man or woman who is satisfied in his marriage will have no time to look for greener pastures across another fence.  

Keep your spouse in the loop

 It is vital to be open to your spouse about your dealings with your workmates. Your spouse should never wonder where you are at a particular time. It is called accountability and it is good manners. If you ever find that you cannot tell your spouse where you are, you probably should not be there.      

Be impartial

People will be jostling for your attention and favours, especially those of the opposite sex because somehow we tend to think that a leader will treat better people of the opposite gender than their own. If you do, it can be the beginning of problems that may affect your marriage.

A favour may lead someone to start to have ideas of a romantic nature. To avoid this, have the same standards for everyone. Swing the axe equally on either side. This way, you are letting them know straight up that special treatment is reserved for someone at home and not at the office.  

Keep marital affairs out of office

 Edward is a good listener but that is no reason to confide in him about your marriage life and stresses. When you share your intimate struggles with a co-worker, you are giving away your power and privacy. You are also devaluing your spouse in the eyes of others and attracting their opinion in your matters. Stay hush about your spouse and their personal details. Rather find marriage accountability groups that you can feed from.   

Mind your language

 Avoid using personal flirtatious endearing words such as “dear”, “sweetheart”, “darling” to a subordinate. They will miscommunicate your intentions. If you have to hide when talking a call, then you probably have crossed the red line.     

When to call

 Work place calls or texts or Whatsapp messages are not cool after work. Let office work remain in office. But now we work from home, you may say. Then agree on the boundaries for office communication, so it does not encroach on your private family time. Let them know they cannot call you after office, unless it is an emergency. 

Let people know you are married

Some married folks behave and want to make others believe they are not married. They will flirt and throw out every rule in the book about boundaries. They want to enjoy the pleasures of marriage and the possibilities of singlehood at the same time. But you are not that type. If your marriage means a lot to you, you will shout it on the rooftops if you have to and gladly uphold your marital vows. 

Communicate with your spouse

 For work place engagements that involve travelling abroad or within the country but away from home, a conversation every day, however short it may be, is essential in sustaining the marriage and filling the emotional longing gap that may result when one is away.