Parenting and family-work balance

Muwonge and his wife Kiconco met in business school, married, and settled into two demanding corporate jobs. But Kiconco quickly saw that, unlike her husband’s job trajectory, there were too many layers and hurdles to jump before she could attain her goal of being in the top echelons of her firm. When they had children, they sat down and strategised. How could they design two careers that could give them both what they wanted.

More often than not, some life-changing choices have to be made when one or both partners needs to scale back on their career. That is when it becomes a fork in the road and if not properly handled, can break the marriage and parenting along the way. It is therefore, critically important to explore and adapt the best family-work strategies to obviate possible conflict and foster positive outcomes.

Individually, it is important that from the outset that couples take the time to seriously talk about the importance either spouse attachments to their career. I would suggest that this happens long before committing to a marriage because this can be a real deal-breaker.

Questions to consider include; Just how far does one intend to go as far as their career development, and what will it cost the family in terms of time, attention and, sometimes, even physical distance for the marriage and for the children? Is the pursuit of greater financial stability more compelling than family stability, or vice versa?

Muwonge and Kiconco started with designing a life and retrofitted it to identify careers that might deliver it. They devised a single vision in their marital partnership and for the family they had. They thought of it as a team vision, just like they might conceive it in a work environment. What were their respective strengths, and their respective dreams? How could they use each other to guarantee the success of their broader vision, while minimising some of the risks they might bump into along the road? In the end it wasn’t so much the planning talks that helped them. It was the conversations and the search for complementarities. They were each agreeing to contribute to building something to fit them both over a lifetime. With both being in their late 30s, they decided they could take the necessary steps, ultimately deciding that Kiconco would leave her corporate job to gain the flexibility she sought in order to better care for their two children. He, on the other hand, would continue in his corporate role to cover this life phase’s financial needs. She would launch a business she had identified as having serious potential and test run it. If it worked, he could join her later down the road to scale and sell thus enabling them to re-invent themselves at a time of their choosing.

Here are some practical ways you can achieve the work-family balance.

 a. Prioritisation. 1 Corinthians 10:23, “Everything is permissible for me-but not everything is beneficial. You must choose from the onset what things are most important to you-the non-negotiables--and concentrate on doing those as a matter of first importance. Do the most important activities earlier in the day. Set time limits to certain activities like watching TV and time you spend on answering emails. 

b. Create special moments for the family. You can plan to have dinners, weekends and getaways as a family. Even simpler things like taking bike rides, walks, baking together, watching a game together, anything that allows you to be together is worthwhile. Allow no interruptions of these moments. Consider them sacred..

c. Me-time. You are always going to be spread thin meeting different demands from your spouse, children, work, or other community volunteer activities you may be involved in. These things, noble as they are, can suck life out of you. You may need to draw back and spend time with yourself to rejuvenate for only then can you give a better you to others.

Talking a walk alone, spending a day by the lake side or just going visiting a friend on a non-work day can revitalise your energy.

d. Create a family calendar where birthdays, anniversaries, family events, your child’s school activities, dates for paying bills are recorded. Some smartphones now come with google calendars that you can use for this purpose. This helps you in planning your time and finances and keep on top of your responsibilities.  

e. Delegation. Not all things need your input. Highly successful people know how, when and who to delegate tasks. Since it takes a village to raise a child, you may have to learn to delegate to your village (nannies, in-laws, relatives) to manage some tasks for you, taking into account their competences in the area of child rearing to make sure they are up to the task.

 In his book, Raising Great Children: Secrets of Successful Parenting, Emilian Kayima makes a pertinent observation;

 “In essence, if any parent spared some quality time for their children, parents would be in a better position to understand their children, to appreciate their world and to be able to positively influence them. It does not have to be the whole day because we do not have it, but a little time each day will make a difference in the lives of children, parents and the entire community.”             

Rev. Michael Agaba is a theologian, marriage counselor, and parenting coach.

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Family time

“Create a family calendar where birthdays, anniversaries, family events, your child’s school activities, dates for paying bills are recorded. Some smartphones now come with google calendars that you can use for this purpose. This helps you in planning your time and finances and keep on top of your  duties.