Sing praises but caution your children

Min Atek

What you need to know:

Is it possible for modern parents to raise balanced children, who have a sense of responsibility without being beaten down by those responsibilities?

“Mommy, today’s training was amazing. My performance was remarkable. You should call the coach and ask him.”

There are moments when children share something exciting about their lives. Oftentimes, my natural reaction is to laugh and downplay the story. Whereas I am a very positive person, living and raising my children means I am continually faced with their good moments, real lives, challenges and weaknesses. Many a time, we are working through unmet expectations and reprimanding.

This is an area I am striving to improve given that I borrowed perfectionist tendencies from one of my grandparents and it is hard to please me. I often scold myself for being rather unfair to my children or too strict with my goals and expectations from them. So, I must keep myself in check.

The world will place demands and expectations on us even when we have our own goals to pursue. These expectations create undue stress and pressure, which ultimately affect our ability to deliver.

The question that runs through my mind is where is the balance? Is it possible for modern parents to raise balanced children, who have a sense of responsibility without being beaten down by those responsibilities? Children who are fun to be around and yet balanced enough to know what to do and not to do?

How do you recollect yourself as a parent from your own parent’s unmet expectations you carried as a child to being a reasonable parent yourself? What should be my reaction when my child tells me they are the best soccer player on their team? At which point do I sing loud praises and when do I caution them about being modest with their seemingly big achievements?

Can modesty be taught and passed on to the children?! Is the parent modest in the first place? Is there a recipe for greatness? Where is that recipe? Is it achievable? What happens to families that have children that are so ambitious yet their siblings are laissez faire? Where do we draw the line between what is acceptable and what is not?

I like questions because they push us to think, reflect and ponder. When we reflect, we do things differently and that brings growth and progress. Take time to evaluate your words, thoughts and actions. There is always room for improvement. We move from one level of glory to another through understanding and deliberate transformation.