To say yes or no to sleepovers: What parents should know

On a random Sunday morning, after the family had had breakfast, Perez Bitamanya told his wife to pack clothes for the children and announced he was taking them to visit their aunt in Kyamuhunga, in Bushenyi District.

 This was during the lockdown and he told his wife the children would spend a month in the village without their parents.  This announcement brought a lot of excitement, especially for the children who had been locked up at home for six months. For them, this was an opportunity to get away from home, to breathe new air and to reunite with their cousins, whom they had not seen in a while.

 “At first I was okay with the idea of children visiting their relatives. But a week later, I started to worry about the safety of my two girls aged eight and 10. Defilement is rampant lately and even the people who are expected to protect the girl child sometimes end up molesting them,” says Priva Nanyunja.

For Nanyunja, this is the longest her children have had to stay away from home. Despite the fact that the children were visiting their aunt, she still worried about what they ate, how they slept, the children they played with and the kind of treatment they were being given. All this made her anxiety grow to unexpected levels.  After a fortnight, she became very uncomfortable and asked her husband to return the children. She felt the period was too long for the children to stay away from their parents. However, her husband gave her an assurance that the children would be just fine.

“The month felt like a year. Our home felt empty without the children. Usually, they visit their friends and relatives and return in the evening. I kept praying for them until they returned,” says Nanyunja.

Perhaps permitting a child to go for a sleepover is subjecting them to new behaviours that might not necessarily be agreeable to you and this could be the reason why society still cringes at the thought of letting a child go for a sleepover.

The trend of sleepovers is slowly but surely taking shape. From a friend’s home to an aunt or even family, the children will move in between homes in the guise of a sleepover.

The world is seemingly not a safe place for child upbringing like it used to be back in the day as it exposes them to harsh realities such as defilement, kidnapping, people who sacrifice children, drug abuse and child labour.

The mainstream and social media are constantly reporting sex crimes committed against children, something that makes parents tighten the belts about the safety of the children. Thus, a keen eye and some restrictions could be what one needs to keep their child safe.

Dorothy Ssonko, a teens/children’s counsellor, warns that before you even consider agreeing or disagreeing to a sleepover, one should note that, “sleepovers is something one cannot avoid depending on the situation in the family for instance, a parent may fall sick in the evening and needs quick accommodation for the children; a sleepover comes in handy.”

Ssonko says she does not support a planned sleepover to a friend’s and relatives when a parent is not certain of the family structures, the number of people in the house, the sleeping arrangements and family norms.

This is because a lot of abuse has taken place during sleepovers and many cases remain unreported because children fear to betray the existing relationship between families. 

In his book Protecting the Gift, Gavin DeBecker recommends treating the family of a potential sleepover with as much scrutiny as you would a babysitter. One easy way to accomplish this is to insist that before you send your child on a sleepover, that child spends the night at your home. This gives you a chance to get to know the family and find out more about them. Even if it’s a family you know well, you will want to verify details, such as who will be home on the night of the sleepover.

Discuss your expectations in advance. Of course you want your child to use their best manners, to go to bed when expected and to use polite table manners. But it is equally important that your your kids know that they can call you at any time if they are uncomfortable.

The good...

During sleepovers, children get to see how other families function. They are introduced to new routines which in a way helps them to get a peek into a whole new world. Sleepovers also promote responsibility. As children grow older, these experiences of being away from their parents will benefit them during school trips or camps because they have already had experience of having been away from home.

Additional reporting from www.siparent.com