All creatures, great and small, are akin to volcanos, some active and others dormant. What brings them together is that they might, can or will erupt at least once in their lifetime. How and when that happens can be left to chance or choice, especially for us humans. I listen to relationship problems on the radio almost every day. It is involuntary because it is part of my hustle, but when you think about it, it is addictive. Human nature likes to relish, if I might use that word in other people’s not-so-glorious lives.
In direct translation of common speak we say, “We like spoilt things” So, naturally, every time I listen, I begin to appreciate that what I thought were problems in my life are just small bumps in the road that will go away. So, every day, I faithfully listen to brave people washing their dirty kitenge underwear in public. I probably will never be bold enough to share the skeletons in my closet, but I am grateful for the men and women who do. The ones who represent us all at the front line of dysfunction, trauma, abuse and madness.
A problem shared is a problem half-solved, they say, and it is quite true. You think you have a problem and have been worshiping and glorifying how great and mighty it is until you share it, and other people with the same issue stand up and tell you to sit down because yours is a lite version of what they are dealing with. Okay, so you might not get a solution, but at least you will find your tribe or company. Misery loves it.
Talk to someone, something
What I am trying to say here is, do not die in silence. Find someone to talk to. If you are a distinguished member of the masked humans of JAT, kidnap a journalist, lock them up in a random drone and force them to listen to your problems at butt point. Or, if you cannot afford to pay a trained stranger in a fancy office with a fuchsia couch to talk to, find a lesser mortal. If you cannot possibly open up to a human being, please borrow the neighbour’s puppy or Emyooga turkey, tie them to a tree so they will not run away and start to pour your heart out.
But talk to somebody, or something. I do not know if the independence monument on Speke Road has ears, but if all else fails, then… But be cautious, too. Choose wisely who or what you tell your shameful things. Do not talk to teddy bears; those things have hidden cameras. Even your ‘friend’, that one who is always telling everyone something about everyone, approach them with caution. You will be their next source of content. Also, talking to yourself does not count.
Write it down
Writing, journalling count, though. And you do not even have to write correct English. There will be no audience unless you wish it so. See, those things that you keep bottled up, if you keep piling them, one day they are going to pop like a bottle of fermented champagne, and you cannot choose when or where it happens or on whom it will spill.
Some years back, the workplace used to employ a counsellor who would come to the office premises every Friday afternoon. Like clockwork, every 2pm, an email from the human resource office would be sent announcing that the counsellor was in the boardroom waiting for anyone who needed to talk. Only one staff member would go see that counsellor week after week.
Every time the HR email came, we made fun of that staff member, throwing jibes and being clever or (so we thought), at their expense. Looking back now, I realise we were just foolish Ugandans in the throes of ignorance. That counsellor’s contract was cancelled because, well, we were not making use of his services, or so I think.
Now we have to go find our counsellors. I asked my preferred mental health practitioner how much they charge per one-hour session, and let us just say, I will only be able to afford it when I self-actualise. Good thing there are many skilled people out there who either charge less or nothing at all. So, again, talk to someone.
Research
Revealing why verbalizing helps heal our emotional pain, neuroscience studies by Lieberman et. al. (2007) and Vago and Silbersweig (2012) have found that labeling our feelings reduces activation in the amygdala, our brain’s alarm system that triggers the fight-or-flight reaction.
When we give words to our emotions, we move away from limbic reactivity by activating those parts of the brain that deal with language and meaning in the right ventrolateral prefrontal cortex (Lieberman et al, 2007). We become less reactive and more mindfully aware.
