Beyond snacks: Visitation joys and unspoken struggles

While many people look at visitation days as a joyful occasion since they are a much-needed break from the routine of classroom stress and school friends, for others, the day does not seem to go as planned.
This special day is usually organised for specific classes or the entire school, depending largely on the number of students a school accommodates and the space available. The day is often filled with cheerful reunions, shared meals, and the excitement of seeing loved ones, rekindling the many missed home conversations and engagements.

For parents, these moments are equally significant. They arrive with bags full of snacks, home-cooked meals, and an eagerness to check on their children's progress. However, beyond the cheerful moments lies a deeper reality. Visitation day carries a mix of joy, pressure, and hidden struggles that many students navigate silently.
According to Proscovia Nantume, a psychologist, understanding these dynamics is crucial as it helps parents, teachers and school administrators make the day more meaningful for all students.
Nantume explains, “Parents need to understand that beyond the food and gifts, children experience a variety of emotions and their well-being should be prioritised, and leave the burden to the children and teachers.”

The high moments of joy and reconnection

For most students, visitation day is the highlight of the term. After weeks or even months of school life, seeing familiar faces such as family or close friends offers a sense of comfort.
Parents and guardians make the most of this day by preparing their children’s favourite meals, offering words of encouragement, planning for pocket money, buying goodies to keep the students throughout the remaining period and even bringing birthday gifts. On the other hand, students use this opportunity to update them on schoolwork, friendships, and extracurricular activities.
Nantume emphasises that when parents make it to this day, this emotionally boosts the students making them feel valued and supported.
Similarly, technology has also played an essential role in bridging the gap for parents who are unable to attend visitations in person due to sickness, work commitments, or other engagements. Some students receive video or audio calls, allowing them to see or speak with their families despite the distance. This small gesture typically brings relief, especially to those who miss home deeply.

The pressures of performance and expectations
Although visitation day brings joy, it also comes with pressures, especially concerning academics and emotional struggles. Many students dread the inevitable "How are your grades?" conversation. Parents, wanting the best for their children, sometimes unknowingly instill fear and anxiety by focusing more on academic performance than their child's overall well-being.
For students whose grades have not improved, parents demand better results by the end of the term. While some students recognise their parents' sacrifices and strive to meet expectations, this pressure can be overwhelming, leading to stress and anxiety.
Beyond academics, parents also inquire about their children’s social lives. Some ask about friendships, while others express concern over body weight loss or gain, sometimes comparing them to siblings or peers. While these conversations are meant to encourage, they may leave students feeling judged or inadequate.
Additionally, children from broken homes feel torn between parents or face painful reminders of family struggles. The transition back to school life after visitation day becomes difficult for emotionally struggling students. Seeing their families and then being left behind can make school life feel even lonelier. The emotional rollercoaster of excitement, pressure, and separation is something many students navigate silently.
Nantume advises, “Parents should reassure their children rather than pressure them. Encouragement and emotional support are key to maintaining a student’s well-being.”

Financial comparisons and social divide

Visitation days also highlight social and economic disparities. While some students are showered with lavish treats such as fried chicken, pizza, and sodas, often ordered from apps such as Glovo, along with shopping bags full of essentials, others receive little to nothing. Students from wealthier backgrounds also receive large allowances, while those from modest homes struggle to stretch their upkeep money.
This financial divide is deeply felt in dormitories, where students compare what their parents brought. Some become targets of envy or ridicule, while others feel left out. Those from struggling families often find ways to avoid the gatherings, preferring to stay in class, take early naps, or disappear to avoid questions.
Lynnette Lutwama, a counselor, explains that these comparisons usually result in low self-esteem among students. She advises students facing this challenge to learn to appreciate what their families can provide and avoid comparing themselves to others.

The loneliness of the unvisited

Perhaps the most heartbreaking part of visitation day is for those who are never visited. Some parents promise to visit but do not show up, others come late, while some are unable to attend at all due to financial constraints, work commitments, or distance.
As classmates sit under tree and car shades chatting, with their families, students who are never visited find ways to comfort themselves. Some are invited by close friends to share a meal, while others hide away, pretending not to care but silently nursing disappointment.
Although teachers often try to comfort them and friends share snacks, the feeling of being forgotten lingers. For some, it triggers homesickness, loneliness, and difficulty concentrating in class. This isolation can make school feel less like a second home.
Lutwama suggests that schools should offer mental and emotional support to such students, ensuring they do not feel abandoned or unworthy.

Food dynamics and smuggling

Food is a big part of visitation day. Meals brought from home offer a break from school food, which is often repetitive and bland. Some students overeat out of excitement, while others secretly stash food to eat later or share with friends and those not visited. Many parents buy their children snacks such as cookies, biscuits, cereals, and drinks like milk, soda, and juice to last them until the next visitation or end of term.
However, some students misuse this privilege by indulging in smuggling unwanted items. Depending on what a school permits, students sneak in forbidden items such as drugs disguised in cakes or cookies, fast food, fizzy drinks, gadgets, and makeup.
Despite prefects and school authorities conducting checks, students always find creative ways to hide contraband. Although some are never caught, the risk of being found out not only adds an element of thrill but also leads to severe punishments such as suspensions.
Lutwama advises students to avoid engaging in smuggling because it not only breeds bad behavior but also distracts them from their academic mission in school. She also suggests that schools should emphasise the importance of discipline and self-control.

Tips for keeping up with visitation complexities

• Schools should have counselors available for students.
• Students should be taught to appreciate their parents’ efforts.
• Encourage gratitude rather than comparison for students.