Patricia Agarukire the author Perfect Imperfections, she argues, that people often think of a partner as one who embodies what we have read in magazines, novels, or watched in soap operas and films which are not based on real life.
Such not only influence our choices for a life partner but also our views as we eventually cultivate in our subconscious minds about marriage and what it entails.
Her advice for any couple intending to have a lifetime marriage, is to acknowledge that they cannot fulfil those vows by themselves but through divine intervention.
As such, God being the only source of true love, Agarukire implores those in relationships to express and share love like we are sourcing it from the creator.
Importantly, couples need to have reached a level of maturity that enables you to accept that your partner is not perfect. During courtship and eventually marriage, he will make many mistakes but you still have to appreciate and love him with his flaws.
“Prepare your mind to accept the imperfections even before they unfold,” she advises, adding that ‘the one’ does not mean “the perfect one”.
“I should have known better since my imperfections are perfections evidence that there is no such a thing as perfect people.”
Agarukire’s two cents to those looking for love or planning to start a relationship, is taking their time and not getting impatient and desperate about ‘the one’. She says ask yourself, ‘will you be ‘the one’ to the partner you are looking for?’ In the end, finding the one requires you to prepare yourself to be found as well.
“It is no surprise that hastily done marriage arrangements that do not go through “the elders honouring celebrations” easily find themselves in turbulent union. Do not allow the euphoria of the love between the two of you to blind you from the importance of honouring your culture,” the author cautions.
Put in time
Where you meet and who you are do not matter.
“You might have met in the street but none of you was raised by the roadside’. As lovers, when you choose to commit to one another, the advice is do not live in your marriage in auto mode. Take time off to recognise and celebrate the special days you share as a family,” she writes.
“Enter your marriage with a mind-set that, together you will weather all marriage storms and nothing will separate you except death.”
She adds that one should remember that everything in life is two-sided and marriage is no exception. And whenever you hit a dead end, trust that the Lord knows it all.
To her, true love does not leave behind broken souls in the form of the several-ended relationships you have had to terminate. Her observation is that there is no man who does not face temptations of the “greener grasses” outside marriage in one way or another.
The question is how he will respond to the alluring. She says trust is one of those attributes that is nearly impossible to repair when broken in marriage.
Agarukire compares broken trust to someone who sustains compound fractures in an accident and after recovery, they walk with a limp.
Communication is vital
She recommends daily prayer and turning to good communication as the oil that keeps the marriage going forward.
Agarukire points to communication as much more than crisis management. In the matrimonial journey, she calls for compromises to stretch and include the ‘small’ differences, for example ‘Toilet seat and cover open or closed!’
For some readers, the book is one of the best things that has ever happened to the relationships scene.
Notably, her observation is that it is the unresolved small issues that turn into big fights. “If you find it so hard to say sorry and ask for forgiveness, do it nevertheless. You will be shocked to discover how quickly your partner is willing to forgive you as long as you ask,” she writes.
“Perfect Imperfections is a must-have (manual) for start-up, prevailing and broken relationships. It is engaging with evaluation questions at the end of every chapter. I have no doubt you will not only enjoy reading this book and your perception and approach towards marriage will never be the same again,” writes Abel Mugisha, an interior and landscape designer who has read the book.