Romance for the married

Brethren, If you are married and you celebrated Valentine’s Day as a couple, please stand up and clap for yourself. That is no small achievement.

If you actually left the house to celebrate it, remain standing but in addition to clapping, give yourself a firm pat on the back. Well done!

If you dressed up for the occasion in any shade of red or pink to go with the theme, clap again. 
If you arrived at the venue of the celebration in a good mood, not having argued on the way there, jump up and down. You are amazing.

If you arrived at the venue, sat down and actually had a meaningful, romantic conversation, start ululating for yourself. Ululate louder if you held hands at any point during the conversation and took photos of yourselves.

 But just to be clear, meaningful romantic conversation does not include any talk about the children, sick relatives, house repairs, car repairs, troublesome domestic staff, debts and financial matters or even a continuation of a pending quarrel. 

Staying romantic as a married couple can be very difficult indeed. The man who used to buy you flowers and chocolates on random days of the week now brings home a head of cabbage and a kilo of meat for dinner and expects you to be ‘appreciative’. (Try putting the cabbage leaves in a flower vase next time if you want to make a point.)  

The word ‘chocolate’ also dropped out of his vocabulary a long time ago, back when Methuselah was a teenager. The romantic letters have been replaced by stacks of receipts that need to be kept for accounting purposes. 

The woman who would spend a fortune at the hair salon and an hour getting ready to meet you is now reluctant to get out of her tracksuit bottoms and house socks (her version of leisure wear) to wear heels and makeup, unless you promise her that wherever you are going is far more comfortable than the sofa. 
Ah well, we can always try again next year! In the meantime let me put on my favourite tracksuit bottoms and socks—ahhhhh, bliss!