The best revenge is to rise above all setbacks

Every March we get to see the woman in all her glory as she gets the limelight all to herself. This year was exceptional; I read about women making the kind of boss moves that have inspired me to become more daring. One of those stories that intrigued me was from honourable Dickson Kateshumbwa’s constituency about the first female butcher slicing through the glass ceiling of the meat business in Sheema.

This story intrigued me because of my personal relationship with blood. You would think that after decades of having to deal with it every month would make a difference; but no, I still gag and get goose bumps at the sight of blood.

There is also another woman who has defied all taboos to become a roofer. This also got my attention because of my debilitating fear of heights. I have such a strong bond with terra firma that every time my feet leave it, I get an anxiety attack. But the story I found truly tragic was that of a woman who has fulfilled her abuser’s dream.

Ms Anonymous revealed that she and her siblings were terribly abused by their mother as children after their father abandoned the family. Because of that experience, she had made up her mind not to have children of her own because she felt that having children would be traumatic. Although it is every woman’s right to choose whether to have children or not, it is sad when we make decisions based on fear. I felt bad that this young woman had ceded so much power to her abusive mother.  She has let her parents’ abuse lock her into a prison of bitterness from which she is yet to break free.

It is unfortunate when we let our abusers continue to vicariously live our lives. This poor woman was told over and over that no one could love her because her father abandoned her. And what does she do as an adult? Keep all possibilities of love at a distance. She has no idea that by doing that she is fulfilling her mother’s damning prophesy about her life.

Ms Anonymous is not aware that part of her healing from that childhood trauma is allowing herself to have what her mother said she could never have; love. She should let herself be loved and give love. One of the purest forms of love is the love of a mother and child. She should not be robbed of this wonderful feeling because of her mother’s misdeeds.

If you have been hurt in a relationship by a parent, partner or friend, please do not let this hurt determine your future because that experience will have been wasted. The best revenge is to rise above such setbacks and be the best mother or friend or partner even if it is only to demonstrate that such things are possible. Many of us are living under the yoke of the people that wronged us. I have heard tales of people that became cheaters because their partners were unfaithful to them.

My question is; how is that paying them back? All you have done is prove them right. If you realise someone is determined to cause you pain, kill them with kindness. This will not only confuse them but it will give you power over them. As this month ends, I hope women all over the world have been inspired and empowered to live their best lives for the next 12 months.