The hair raising existence of men

Hairy chest. File Photo

What you need to know:

To have or not to have. Body hair is one of those things that will always generate debate. While some women believe the less the better, another school of thought thinks it’s a show of manliness.

Excessive body hair is usually the stuff of legends, especially of the scary sort. In many oral stories, the ogre is described as a hairy beast with grisly teeth, while a man similarly endowed can earn the nickname muntunsolo (man-beast).
Generally, unless one is Biblical Samson whose strength was stored in his hair, having a body entirely covered in hair is a definite put off to the female of the species. But, women suggest a version of David Beckham’s metrosexual grooming would be perfect if it had a bit of fakir hairiness to it.

Aisha Nalweyiso, says a man’s hair only bothers her depending on which part of the body it is. “Anywhere that is not the crack of the bum is fine with me. It gives me something to run my fingers through during the Ten-Toes Dance, and him something to add extra warmth to me on chilly nights,” she revealed.

Men versus women
The popular adage that hair is a woman’s glory is evident in the almost failsafe nature of having a hair salon for a business. For many men, salons are places to go when their hair becomes too long to comb, or to trim a beard when they want to make a fashion statement.
David Kweterana is one of the few men a barber can set their clock to. Everyday at 12am, rain or shine, he finds the nearest barber to update his hair look that day. “ If a Muslim can pray five times a day, I don’t see how looking after my hair once a day can be said to be a problem,” he says defensively.

And yet, any man who spends too much time preening himself before a mirror raises eyebrows, much more so if hair is his justification for doing so.

Hair-haters
Maggie Kulubya, on the other hand, cannot stand the sight of a hairy man. “I just can’t stomach the feel of touching that hair. Hair is not the decisive part of what makes a man a man. So even if I found a man I like, the fact of his having too much hair would be enough to turn me off him,” she says.

For company she has Russell Peters, a Canadian-Indian stand-up comic, who joked that God kept his best practical joke for Indians by lavishing them with body hair and then situating them in one of the hottest parts of the planet.

Hair Maketh a man
It would be the ultimate irony if in her high school days, Kulubya was ever one of the girls who incessantly teased their male classmates about the absence or delayed appearance of hair on their chests at least.

The more girly-faced a boy was, the more taunts he would receive about needing to grow chest hair and a beard for easy identification of his gender should he ever have a really bad accident. The girls from the Literature in Luganda class put it even more succinctly; quoting “nnyonyi ntono y’ekemba byoya” (A little bird can muster courage as long as it has feathers).

No hair man vs hairy woman
Asked whether she would create a hirsute woman or hairless man if she delegated God’s creation power for a day, Nalweyiso did not mince her words. “ Obviously a hairy woman!! such women bring luck to their parents and husbands, plus it is far less weird for a woman to share her husband’s shaver than it is for a man to ask his wife for her hair-growth cream,” she explained.

Kulubya’s response was equally straightforward. “An absolutely hairless man in my mind’s eye is about as optically interesting as a freshly shorn sheep. We women have more experience bothering with hair for our men’s sake and the sake of making other women envious. So imagine how creative a woman could get if she had an abundance of hair where a man would simply cut it off!” she reasoned.

Seriously though, while few women might want Wolverine for a husband, equally doubtful is whether a woman can find her Mr Right and seriously cite his excessive hair as her reason for saying no to his advances.