Thriving on social media as a late bloomer

As someone from the typewriter generation, I often feel like an alien in the digital world; a place where mores (yes, we still use that word) are unwritten, ever-shifting, and occasionally baffling. One of my biggest dilemmas is the etiquette of viewing people’s status updates on Facebook, WhatsApp, and Snapchat.

I enjoy keeping up with friends and family, but I am haunted by guilt; as if I am intruding on their privacy. Worse still, I am never quite sure whether I should acknowledge that I have seen their posts. This becomes especially tricky as a mother when my children share things online they would never tell me in person.

Take, for instance, the young woman who celebrates her period’s arrival in a public post.

How should one respond? Or the family member who claims to be deathly ill, only for their Snapchat story to reveal a raucous party at the exact time they were supposedly bedridden. Then there was the time my very digital-native child posted a heartfelt rant about fickle friendships.

Thinking I was offering solace, I replied with what I believed was the praying hands emoji. Their response? Five angry red-faced emojis, followed by an exasperated phone call: “Mummy, what part of my pain deserves a high five?!” (Turns out, the emoji was ambiguous. But that is a topic for another day.)

Frustrated, I turned to AI for guidance on the unspoken rules of status-viewing. If you, like me, are navigating this digital minefield, allow me to save you the trouble.

The unwritten rules of status etiquette

Viewing someone’s updates is a normal part of digital life but overstepping boundaries can make you seem intrusive or even creepy. The key is to strike the right balance. Not every view requires a response. People post for different reasons some seek engagement, while others share casually. Respecting privacy is crucial. If a status is meant for a specific audience, like "Close Friends," do not discuss it outside that circle.

And if you find yourself constantly checking someone’s updates especially an ex, a crush, or someone you have lost touch with it might be healthier to mute their posts to avoid unnecessary stress. Each platform has its own norms.

On Facebook, public posts are fair game, but friends-only updates should be treated with discretion. Stories disappear after 24 hours, so viewing them is generally fine, but screenshotting without permission can feel invasive.

If you often view someone’s posts without ever liking or commenting, an occasional reaction keeps things natural.

WhatsApp Status is more private, usually shared among contacts rather than a broad audience. While WhatsApp does not notify users of text status views, it does show who viewed image or video updates.  Replying should be relevant random or overly personal responses can feel awkward. Screenshotting is generally frowned upon unless the content is clearly meant for wider sharing. Snapchat is the most sensitive when it comes to viewing etiquette. The app notifies users if you screenshot or replay their story, so be mindful before saving or revisiting content. Frequently watching someone’s Snapchat story without engaging in conversations can come across as lurking, especially if you are not close. Private "Close Friends" stories should never be shared or discussed outside that group they are meant for a select audience. There are certain situations where checking someone’s updates crosses the line. If you have been blocked or unfriended, trying to view their posts through indirect means, such as a mutual friend’s account, is inappropriate. Similarly, if you are ignoring someone in real life but closely following their online activity, it sends mixed signals. Screenshotting sensitive or personal content without permission is a major breach of trust and should always be avoided.

Why do people post?

Understanding the motivation behind posts helps in navigating reactions. Many people share for validation; likes and comments act as social currency, making them feel seen. Others post as a way to vent, releasing emotions without necessarily seeking advice.

Social media is also a performance space, where what is shared is often a curated version of reality, not the full truth. And then there are those who genuinely want to connect, these are usually the safest posts to respond to.

As a digital immigrant, I have learnt that the online world operates on different social codes. The key is to observe, adapt, and when in doubt, err on the side of discretion. And maybe, double-check your emojis before hitting send.