When it comes to helping with homework, research suggests that it all depends on how parents get involved.
Children learn best by and through routines or predictable patterns. A parent, therefore, should care to establish these routines for their children if they want them to learn and adhere to a particular courses of action.
One of the routines that worked for me and my family while we were growing up was the routine of prayer. I recall my mother and grandparents often gathered us after supper for the bedtime prayer before we slept. We took turns to lead prayer or songs, and this strengthened our faith in God and also our relationship with one another. We needed no one to tell us about God in our adult years.
I have transferred the same ritual to my family, and it works wonderfully well. Rituals that keep parents close to their children are often simple, consistent practices that foster connection, trust, and shared meaning. Here are some that many families find effective:
1. Bedtime routines: Reading a story, talking about the day, or especially saying goodnight creates a calming, bonding moment. Brenda, a young single mother of two, recalls her childhood experience with her father: “He often read me bedtime stories and sang for me. I would never sleep without seeing him first. I would wait for him until he returned from wherever. Even in my adult age now, I am 28, I reminisce about those times with fondness. I have since been an ardent reader of books.”
2. Family meals: Cynthia, a medic, recounts her childhood experience with nostalgia. “We had regular dinners together (we had no screens then), and these were spaces for conversation and connection. You could skip lunch for whatever reason, but not dinner. It was an unwritten rule that you had to be present. We enjoyed talking and laughing. It was a great time.”
3. One-on-one time: Each child is different, so you must raise them uniquely from others, even when they share the same space with their siblings. It might not be practically possible to give each child time every day, but you must have it at the back of your mind that you need to create special time for each one of them. A few minutes of focused time with each child helps them feel seen, appreciated, and valued. Charity, a social worker, explains: “My two children are as different as night and day. One is of them is a choleric (the kind that is confident, outgoing, energetic, quick thinking, assertive, goal-oriented, and with a strong drive to achieve results. He is a leader), while the other is phlegmatic (calm, introverted, patient, peaceful, and easygoing). One of the rituals I have cultivated to keep them close to me is to spend time with each one of them separately from the other sibling. It builds trust and connection at a personal level with each of them.
4. Weekly traditions: George is a doting father of three beautiful daughters. He lives out of the country and occasionally returns home once a year to be with his family. He says, “I have a weekly tradition with the children where I take them for a Friday night movie, Sunday picnic, or Saturday visit to a park or something. This helps me build lasting memories with them.
5. Daily check-ins: These are important if you want to touch base with your children's emotional state. Sandra, a retailer in electronics, says, “My father left home one day when I was probably eight or nine years old, and never returned. Since then, I have never taken it for granted that you can leave home and not return.
My sons are in a day secondary school now. I make it a point to check in with them about how their day was when they come back home. It helps me to correct anything I may need to and guide them if I have to. I ask them open-ended questions such as: “What was the best and hardest part of your day?” This helps them to open up to me, and we build a connection.”
6. Shared hobbies: Cooking, drawing, biking, or playing games together will most likely strengthen the bond between parent and children. It is a fun way to connect. Moses, a retired footballer with KCCA FC, tells me, “I love football so much. I had a short stint at a professional level because injuries prevented me from continuing, but I have found a way to reincarnate myself through my daughter. When she was about four years old, I took her to a football academy and she has not looked back since. She is now 15 and is part of the Uganda U16 Women's national team, also called the “Teen Cranes.” I watch all her games both within and outside the country. I usually guide her where I can. Our father-daughter bond is strong because we have a shared hobby.”
7. Celebrating milestones: Parents can create the ritual of celebrating milestones with their children if they are to stay close to them. Recognising children’s small wins, like finishing reading a book, scoring a goal, saving a targeted amount of money, or completing a chore, shows that you, as a parent, are emotionally invested in their success. Birthdays are also important days to celebrate together as families because they are big milestones.
Joan, a banker, says, “We never celebrated birthdays while we were growing up. We were rural people in the real sense of the word. When I came to Kampala to study at university, I often saw my girlfriends celebrating their birthdays, but I would wonder what the heck that was all about. But when I had my children, I learned it was important to celebrate their birthdays. It has become a ritual for us in my home. We make these special moments so we make the celebrant feel special.
8. Rituals of repair: Another ritual you can have between you and your child is apologising when any of you makes a mistake and making up with the offended party after a conflict. This ritual teaches them that everyone is human and all are capable of missing the mark. It teaches them to be emotionally safe and to trust other human beings.
Evelyn, a family counsellor, advises, “I am always vulnerable with my children. When I blow it, I apologise, and I have taught them to do the same. As a result, they do not lie to me because they know I am their safe space to talk and listen. We have such a beautiful relationship just by cultivating this ritual.” Therefore, rituals are important in keeping parents and children close. The above are some ideas you can borrow, but you can tailor-make yours to fit your unique parenting situation.
