Leave Facebook alone, tax Luganda instead
There is this man with sparse teeth that look like footprints of a catwalk. Recently, the man excited bleeding taxpayers by saying there won’t be new taxes.
But before he had closed his lips over the jagged teeth, we learnt that government had mooted plans to tax Facebook and Netflix. Of course, we should even levy taxes on people who become so famous that when they post a photo on social media it is liked by thousands in a matter of minutes.
I mean, I have always supported taxes. Growing up in Kakira, I used to levy my own tax by sitting like a wasted king and letting the younglings and whoever else was weaker than me fetch for me sugarcane.
Even chewing from certain spots in the plantation with juicier sugarcane (miwa) carried a tax. You had to remit the best stick of miwa as tax to my teeth. Those who tried to dodge me often lost all their bundles of miwa as my URA boys of the time would charge them with tax evasion and confiscate everything.
Today, this would be called bullying and yet that is exactly what is happening in this cartel we are forced to call government. URA just bullies one here, another there and just like that, the white moving toilet has fuel for hundreds of kilometres into Kenya.
I don’t know why URA did not tax Kenya for not providing a toilet for the spotted animal, moreover after him arriving there sporting a spotted jacket.
Right now URA should be taxing the presidency for not getting a scientist to invent an inbuilt human body toilet. Fuel prices are high. Just imagine how much we would save if one can do the business within themselves.
Moreover, the advent of pamper can give a clue on how this would work. Lazy scientists, get to work!
A toilet tax should have been slapped on Kenyatta haraka.
Instead URA bullies have run out of what to tax. Now they have settled for foreign service providers as if these companies have ever forced Gashumba or Rwomushana to use their platforms.
Imagine the joke of taxing Facebook, a social media that has been blocked in Uganda for two years. How do you even convince yourself that the man who did not notice the blockade will care about the tax?
These guys are really clever upside down. Just yesterday they removed the controversial double taxation on social media and now they are back at it.
In a country where we have failed to end public nuisance menace, there is a very big chance that the URA bullies will move to tax street children and preachers.
Wait, there is a fine creation reading over my shoulder. She says taxing street children would simply be promoting the bat philosophy (read thinking upside down). And I agree with her. I am just worried URA will be doing it.
But the one tax we all would support is slapping a big one on Umeme whenever power goes off. I am sure URA would generate enough from a ‘darkness tax’ to pay all the national debt in just one financial year and the balance would finance the ongoing birthday marathon.
Did I say one tax? Ho! There is this one. There are cretins who think everyone speaks Luganda. These vile creatures cannot type a five-word sentence without dropping in Luganda.
You post a picture of Enanga taxing a huge tilapia into his tummy and someone will comment: “He ate all that alone? Embaga yalidde.”
Seriously, unless you are translating the English one, say the whole damn thing in one language or be taxed for being a short messaging communication nuisance. I think URA agree with this one, otherwise we could already have had their pressers going like, “there is a fake news going around that URA is taxing a certain artiste for slapping a military officer kubanga talina magezi.”
Meanwhile, Umeme has happened and I’m using a phone to type this Sunday sleeping pill. I can’t tell my word count so let me end here lest the editor says I typed five articles for one and levies “word count tax” on me.
