Letter from True Ugandan Opposition to Dr Besigye

Someone once borrowed from Gletkin’s advice to the Young Turk Ivanov and said this of Besigye: “The son of Kifefe is made of a certain metal that becomes stronger the more you hit it.”
Gletkin and Ivanov were speaking about Rubashov in the world’s most prophetic novel, Darkness at Noon (Arthur Koestler).

Such a spoiler! Can you imagine Besigye has stuck to that flattery and lives by it as he invented Opposition in Uganda? Just recently, we thought he was done for, that he was going to live the rest of his life quietly like Bidandi Ssali and Olara Otunnu are doing, only to see him pop out again like some stubborn stain or fowl tick clinging on the eyebrows of a broiler.

If he really had to come back into the ring, shouldn’t he wait for Jesus at least? We punched with the fury of Tyson taking Deontay into the wilderness of heavyweight boxing. He bowed out quietly and everyone believe it was done, only for him to re-emerge before even Wilder himself has found his tongue to speak.
Now Besigye, you better pay attention. Uganda is not for you and Museveni alone. We also want to indulge. 
We didn’t wrestle the Opposition leadership from you because we had to keep Museveni on his throes.

The man is old and needs to be allowed to just move around. We respect that but for you, you took our respect for an elder as a sign of being docile and lacking ideas to build on as Opposition. Do you think designing a red card is difficult? That’s something even Fufa gives referees for free.
Yet you think it’s so special and exclusive to you and your members in FDC. 
The reason we have been quiet is very obvious. Unless you wanted us to carry Ssewanyana’s and Ssegirinya’s crosses, we have no reason to be jumping around and disobeying the lawful orders of police.

Let me tell you a small secret. A Leopard lives on hunts. And if there is no hunt, the Leopard will starve. And die. The same goes for a warmonger. If there is peace and no condition for war at all, the warmonger will feel confused. And make a grave mistake. Then he will be knocked out like Tyson Fury did to Deontay Wilder.
Besigye, please listen to us who have finally grasped the ways of the Leopard. Each spot on the Leopard means something and that is what we have been studying during this political hiatus that you have interpreted as lack of ideas.

Do you know how many spots there are on an adult Leopard? I guess not. Neither do I, as a matter of fact, but we are still counting.  The day we finish the count, we shall let Ugandans know our next course of action. The challenge is when to do the count. The Leopard is dangerous, we can’t get close.
So Besigye, if you are too bored at home, go and visit Ssegirinya and Ssewanyana on our behalf. We shall give you playing cards (matatu) and not those bizarre red cards to play with those two during the visit.

By the way, Besigye, until now, Abed Bwanika has been quiet. What happens if he starts talking rubbish again just because he heard your voice? You see why you should lie low like an envelope?
I’ll address you again next time. For now, we’re off to have some good meal and then attempt to count the spots on the Leopard.
Yours ‘The True Ugandan Opposition’