Mandatory boda passenger helmet, what a tough time to be a woman

What you need to know:

  • Economy: The economy of the entire thing is not sobering for us who are eternally paying for the apple sins of Adam. We live in the error of send-me-transport-money and the-salon-money-you-sent-was-not-enough.
  • Sure, go ahead and claim I meant era but you know this is a tad expensive for an error. These helmets will make our targets raise the budget for the salon in our face.

My friends at the National Environment Management Authority (Nema) have resigned to ever seeing an end to the kaveera menace in the country. Sometime in 2017 or thereabouts, Kenya or some country like that hosted a major athletics event for the age group.

Word that even Beatrice Ayikoru does not remember much how Uganda performed back then but the enduring image from that day is of an Ethiopian athlete staring with mouth wide open upon seeing a Ugandan competitor with kaveera on her head.
It was raining and Sarah Chelangat had her hair to protect. Since you can’t run under an umbrella, she went for kaveera, nearly wrapping one over her head.
Fast forward and the police want it to be mandatory for every boda boda passenger to wear a helmet. Given how much importance women attach to their hair, this rule is bad for Nema’s pretences.

Chelangat needed it in the rain but now our women will need it under a boda helmet. With pillioning looking like a fad, a boda with two women passengers translates to two kaveeras right there and by the time we count how many bodas are doing rounds in a day, you can see how Nema is in trouble.
But forget Chelangat – she had probably spent a cool dime for her hair to look the part to the global audience only for rain to happen. What is looking worrisome right now is the possibility of seeing a woman perched on a boda with a salon hair dryer over her head.

Yes, salon operators are wary. Chances of a client yanking the power cables from the socket and walking away with a hairdryer are good.
As a ‘who-man’, I protest this rule. Either someone who runs salons wants to raise his client numbers or there is a businessman who is as connected as the Nakivubo guy who lives with frogs and tadpoles in the lakeshore, has turned to helmet business to finance his stadium photography budget.
The economy of the entire thing is not sobering for us who are eternally paying for the apple sins of Adam. We live in the error of send-me-transport-money and the-salon-money-you-sent-was-not-enough.

Budget for the salon
Sure, go ahead and claim I meant era but you know this is a tad expensive for an error. These helmets will make our targets raise the budget for the salon in our face.
And even if your girlfriend is the kind who loves spending her own money, how can we claim we are the best at promoting tourism when we are going to deny our people optical nutrition?
With helmets, the entire appetite for giving a chic perched on a boda a proper look will die away even if she was wearing her cleavage upside down. 
And just like that, your Flora will zoom past you on a boda on her way to Bosco’s BQ and you won’t identify her because of a stupid thing called a helmet. 

Things like that will only help the clinics running DNA testing services because after many rounds of boda with helmets, you have to be sure the conceived when you were observing Palm Sunday is really junior.
Whichever way I look at it, the helmet thing is bad for us creatures in Adam’s debt. I’m considering seeking a permanent court injunction on this rule.

Disclaimer: This is a parody column