Kenya's government said it is investigating how KB pulled off a now-you-see-me, now-you-don't disappearing act. Not to be outdone, magicians everywhere are also asking how KB, the ever-present rival of Mzee, became absent in Nairobi only to reappear at a military court in Uganda.
In caught, I meant court, the four-time presidential candidate was charged with illegal possession of a pistol and eight rounds of ammunition in the Riverside neighbourhood of Nairobi, where he had allegedly been seeking support from the Ogopa Deejays to undermine the security of Uganda.
KB's spitfire wife said he has not owned a gun in the last 20 years. But court says he does not have to own a gun to possess one. To emphasise its point, court says KB possesses a wife, but he doesn’t own one. That would be slavery. Unless, of course, she could own him back. After all, marriage is the co-ownership of a single soul in two bodies.
That’s why his wife is currently hammering Mzee’s supposed highhandedness. Just like KB did on the campaign trail in 2001. Back then, KB said Mzee was a bit like a cotter pin and that dislodging him from office would require a candidate with the strength of a hammer. He said he would “hit” and remove Mzee respectively, but without much respect.
However, Mzee reportedly believes KB managed to use the same magic he used to disappear from Nairobi to convert his hammer into a pistol and eight rounds of ammunition.
This conversion, Mzee believes, will give KB another shot at being the Hammer. Oh yes, KB is used to running for office or walking to work. But back in the 70s, he ran for dear life as a hormonal adolescent.
The story goes that he was just chilling in a Kampala hotel, about to have a cassava-rich dinner. Before the meal, he walked to the toilets. Prior to draining the proverbial lizard, however, KB stopped for a chat. Just then, a man the size of Kasangati lifted him up by the collar, slapped him hard across the face and sent him sprawling to the floor.
KB never made it to the toilets and never ate his dinner. He instead picked himself up and Cheptegei-d it for his life. It is believed by Mwenda that is when he started running for office, by running away.
“KB is a carbon copy of Mzee, only that he lacks Mzee’s finesse. Mzee believes he is the only one who can transform Uganda. KB believes he is the only Ugandan who can defeat Mzee,” Mwenda said, with hammering instance, in 2017.
If they are indeed the same, KB might have abducted himself to hold our attention hostage long enough for those NUP chaps to be forgotten. But that’s speculation. Uganda's government spokesperson said recently it did not carry out abductions and that arrests abroad were done in collaboration with host countries.
Since we’re quoting people, Otto Von Bismarck also said: “Never believe anything in politics until it has been officially denied.”
So now we are stuck. Bismarck would have helped us by telling us what he meant by that remark. However, Bismarck died on July 30, 1898.
On that same July day, but in 1975, the year KB was assaulted en route to the toilets, the former Teamsters president Jimmy Hoffa disappeared in Bloomfield Hills, Michigan, USA, under mysterious circumstances. Known to have long associated with the Mafia, Hoffa was not a simple man.
Neither is KB. His initials stand for Kaboozi, which is slang for conversation. That could be why he knows all too well that talk is cheap. Actions speak louder, especially when they are swung into action by the motion of a Hammer.
They then carry the kinetic energy of a truth revealed. And the truth is that the adjective ‘hammered’ means very drunk and Mzee’s government has been left inebriated by its Paka-lasting forever. But not everybody knows this. That is why KB must continue officially hammering the all-mighty Mzee. This way, he is officially exposed as hammered.
