I had to do a double take and offer a delicate “wangi?” when I read in the newspaper: “From failing to secure the National Unity Platform (NUP) ticket in the recent Kawempe North by-election to performing dismally as an independent candidate, businessman Moses Nsereko now sets his sights on a much bigger race—unseating President Museveni in the 2026 General Elections, once again seeking the NUP banner. He says one of his first moves would be to slash the salaries of ministers and MPs by 50 percent to cut government spending.”
Wow, a self-inflicted wound upon entry into Parliament. I couldn’t believe my eyes because in Nsereko I see the 16th president of the United States, Abraham Lincoln. That dude Lincoln lost elections for the Illinois House of Representatives in 1832, for Congress in 1843 and 1848, and for the US Senate in 1855 and 1859. He also lost his bid for the vice presidency in 1856.
Instead of crying his eyes out like a crocodile at an NRM funeral, he said: “Gwe, I am running for the presidency”, or words to that effect. Lincoln won 1860 presidential election. Nsereko can surely win the presidency in 2026. He is our Lincoln. So we expect him to free the slaves.
No, we are not talking about him freeing us Ugandans. We are saying, maybe he can save all Arsenal fans, they are enslaved by the mentality that they will ever have a chance of winning the Premiership title! At any rate, the Chinese have a saying that it is not the victor who is strong. It is the vanquished who learns from defeat and grows in character as a result.
Nsereko is learning from defeat that if you aimed at buying chicken but could only afford a chapatti, then aim at buying the whole damn market. It is called thinking big. Nsereko, you go and own Owino Market and not just the chapatti and chicken found there, you hear?
In fact, if you were born an egg and had to be subjected to the age-old question, "Which came first, the chicken or the egg?” The answer would be obvious: Nsereko’s egg came first! Nsereko is not a chicken. He is egging on more politicians to take on President Museveni in a head-on collision. It will be like two boxers going at each other, only in this case there is only one boxer in the contest.
Regardless of what any of you say, Nsereko is the man of the moment. Oh yes, the moment he lost his mind. Let us set stale jokes aside, Nsereko has a plan, and I can tell you it will be “bloody” in 2026 between Mzee and Nsereko.
One of the plans Nsereko has for scaring up some votes is second-name recognition. Oh yes, he has the exact same surname as Muhammad Nsereko, who has represented the Kampala Central Division constituency in Parliament since 2011. Nsereko got 16,998 votes and won the 2021 election to represent Kampala Central Division. All these votes reportedly now belong to Moses Nsereko.
According to his presidential campaign team, people will vote for Moses Nsereko because they will mistake him for Muhammad Nsereko. His campaign also hopes that, come Judgement Day, God will mistake him for Moses in the Bible.
Then, he will go to heaven as he tells NUP and Mzee to go to hell. Nsereko plans to keep on winning, even in the afterlife. In fact, he says, when he reaches heaven, he plans to paint that side of eternity red. That is how much he loves NUP, at heart.
However, hearts do not win elections. They get broken at elections.
Nsereko knows he has had his heart broken so many times by voters that his determination to run for the presidency could be his way of saying, "They tried to bury us, but they didn't know we were seeds”. But who tried to bury you, Mr Nsereko?
Anyway, your protest candidacy is welcome. We know the economy protests even when you get a single penny. So why not counter-protest by becoming president and thereby ensuring your pennies amount to a pound? The kind of pound that pounds Mzee at the polls.
