
Police in Kampala have banned Ugandan artistes from moving with more than five people to and from venues where they are booked to perform following violent exchanges between two gangs led by musicians Pallaso and Alien Skin.
As usual, the police are missing the forest for the trees. They should realise that the artistes are lovers and not fighters. Granted, they may be the wrong kind of lovers. In LGBTQ slang, ‘artiste’ means a randy gay man.
To be sure, Sean "Diddy" Combs’ entourage was below five in number and now he’s imprisoned at the Metropolitan Detention Center in New York on charges of racketeering, sex trafficking, and transportation to engage in prostitution.
That aside, Alien Skin has disappointed many Ugandans. That’s because they believed that, due to his stage name, his fighting skills would be otherworldly. Sadly, his face seems to be a magnet for would-be greetings from fellow musicians who have failed to distinguish Hi-Fives from slaps.
As you know, over a year ago, in May 2023, Pallaso gave Alien Skin a five-fingered round of applause to the face. It sent shockwaves across the Ugandan music industry. Yet it was avoidable. All Alien Skin had to do was listen to the hit song ‘Go Down Low’, performed by Pallaso and Sheebah, and the slap would have missed him. But he chose to stay up, like Arsenal FC sometimes does when the season starts, only to be outgunned by an arsenal of opponents.
Indeed, Arsenal’s losses are well-nigh obscene. They are almost as profane as the surname of their former player, Tony Woodcock. But, to be fair, Alien Skin is nothing like Arsenal. He is more like a one-hit wonder who is only a wonder because he was hit, by Pallaso.
That slap earned him sympathies that often elevate underdogs to overdogs, turning Davids into Goliaths. That’s why he needs an entourage. He is no longer a lesser potato. So he has to show off his newfound power by moving around with the ten to fifteen people that make up the Democratic Alliance and represent the total number of votes its principal will get if he ever runs for president.
Sure, he will say that there was no freedom of association and that is why he lost. That’s because all his followers are no longer allowed to move around in mini-rallies of over five persons. It surely makes one wonder: Do police think a musician’s entourage is a basketball team?
They are surely not a boxing team. The only boxing they know is how to be Pallaso’s punching bag. Even though he prefers slaps. They are a kinder class of punches. That’s why in 2021, French President Emmanuel Macron was slapped in the face on an official visit to the south-east of France.
It was reported that a man in a green T-shirt slapped Mr Macron in the face. Before you conclude that this man may have been Alien Skin given his T-shirt being the same colour as every Alien’s skin tone. Please let us remember that the man who slapped Macron reportedly shouted "Montjoie, Saint-Denis". Yet the only French Alien Skin reportedly knows is the word “Madame” and he uses it by accident when he’s forcing an American accent and saying the words, “My Damn”.
Beyond that, we all know Alien Skin is a Chris Rock and not a Will Smith. Recall, if you please, how during the 94th Academy Awards on March 27, 2022, actor Will Smith slapped comedian Chris Rock as he presented for Best Documentary Feature. That slap turned the Academy Awards into a hit, literally.
That’s because we are all drawn to violence and violence is drawn to us. That is why we are led by the military and have suffered at its hands. It could be the reason for Smith’s last movie “Bad Boys: Ride or Die” grossing $193.6 million in the United States and Canada, and $210.6 million in other territories, for a worldwide total of $404.2 million.
This is a figure that is Alien to the man Pallaso slapped, for now. However, if his Democratic Alliance can take the State House, he might grow his French to include a Bon Appetit.