Trump rang up Kampala  to ask about stopping count

Outgoing US President Donald Trump rang up Kampala on Tuesday last week in a desperate attempt to find out how big numbers of ballots could be disenfranchised in “one swell swoop.”
Mr Trump’s late night call to Kampala came as his huge leads in Pennsylvania, Michigan and Georgia, among other swing states, dwindled as mail-in ballots kept turning the numbers in Demacrat rival Joe Biden’s favour.

Biden flipped the results in Pennsylvania and, remarkably, a historically GOP state of Georgia to become only the first Democrat to win the vote since Bill Clinton in 1992.
According to sources from Plot 1, Nakasero, Mr Trump was so frustrated that he had tried several governments around the world to help him deal with the rigging that was going on in America but was being given funny conditions. “The Kenyan guys say I abuse Obama for a living. Terrible people,” Trump reportedly told the Leo.

“Then these Nigerians, unbelievable pieces of work they are! They want visas for even their dead family members to be exhumed and reburied in Beverly Hills and Vegas.”
The source, who was involved in patching up the direct call that lasted close to an hour, said Leo was a good listener as always and that his sympathies with the outgoing US President was the reason the call had lasted that long.

Trump reportedly promised to visit Uganda during his second term, enthusing Leo with the reports he had received about how beautiful it is in the Pearl of Africa from Kim Kardashian and Kanye West Ye.
“Apparently, Trump had heard that in 2016 election results for ‘swing towns’ in Uganda such as Kampala and Mbale were simply not counted to ensure that the incumbent won by “a lot” and he wanted to know how Leo pulled this off,” the source said.

Mr Trump lamented about how he had ordered the count to stop but nobody listened to him and that he tried to sign several Executive Orders stopping the count but his own aides took away his pens.
He said he had been good to police the last four years to the point that his administration looked the other way whenever officers were involved in shooting civilians but that they had all vanished at the moment he needed them most.
“He sounded pained, I must admit, but there was the funny bit where he repeatedly addressed Leo as “Mr Amin” even when corrected,” the source said.

Quoting the conversation between the two leaders directly, the source: “Mr Amin… oh, you said you’re Mr who? Mu--mu what? Okay, Mr Amin... your 2016 exploits, that’s something I thought was appalling at the time but now that I think of it, man is a political animal and we are all driven by circumstances to make certain calls.” The Leo took it all in his stride and did not appear to lose patience with repeatedly being called “Mr Amin,” a former leader he has repeatedly called swine.

However, the source declined to reveal what advice the spotted animal gave Mr Trump, indicating that such a revelation could be misconstrued by “the latest political wannabes in claiming they got more than one percent when they are trounced in January.”

“Just know that Mr Trump went and had a good round of golf after the long telephone conversation with the President and this helped reduce his tweeting and appears to have calmed him down a great deal,” the source said.
The source, who spoke to this writer exclusively on Thursday, also denied reports that Kiggundu and Kayihura had been whisked away on a chartered flight to New York the morning after Trump’s call.

This appears to have been right since there were no preventive arrests in America as Biden and his running mate Kamala Harris remained free persons while the vote count continued without a farce.
It now remains unclear if Mr Trump would still visit the Pearl of Africa to learn that Amin died nearly 20 years ago but conservationists would no doubt say he cannot come along with his trophy-hunting son to kill our wildlife.