Trump’s ‘America First’ policy leads to ‘Uganda Fast’ Policy

It made them fat with anticipation for more. So this closure of the taps, so to speak, could be good for them.

As the saying goes, ‘he that eats till he is sick must fast till he is well’. Now that Uganda is starved on a diet of US aid cuts, we must consider the benefits of fasting in line with Uganda’s unofficial Uganda Fast policy.

One, several studies have found that fasting could have a powerful effect on brain health.

These studies controvert previous studies done in Uganda that showed that eating free money could increase the generation of nerve cells to help enhance cognitive functions.

In the satirical allegorical novella ‘Animal Farm’, the pigs started consuming all of the milk and apples like pigs. Their greed knew no bounds.

However, Squealer, their four-legged Media Centre, explained to the other animals that looked on with open-mouthed surprise that pigs needed milk and apples in order to think well.

Squealer, who started wearing napkins for clothing so as to eat surpassingly well, said the pigs’ work is brain work.

So everybody should applaud their Menu-ocracy as something that was in everyone’s best interest.

Should the pigs’ fail to wolf down apples and milk, Squealer warned, Mr Jones might come back to take over the farm.

Mr Jones, in Uganda’s context, is Obote, Amin and all the chaos that their regimes wrought.

This prospect of Mr Jones returning frightened the other animals, and they agreed to forgo milk and apples so that the pigs could enjoy them in the interest of the collective good.

Now that Trump has imposed fasting on Uganda, even breakfast might be spelled as fastbreak as Official Kampala prays that Trump reverses his America First policy to give them a fast with breaks, faster-faster.

Two, studies have revealed that fasting could reduce body weight by up to 9 percent and significantly decrease body fat over 12–24 weeks.

This is perfect if we think of trimming the weight of our bloated neo-patrimonial political system.

Indeed, government is too fat in Uganda. It is so fat that all its departments have stretch marks.

I mean, they have been so stretched to the limit that Ugandans can’t ‘weight’ for change.

The country has not only gone to the dogs, it has gone to the fat cats too. So poverty reigns, like cats and dogs.

It is so tragic that we live in a cat-eat-dog world. However, Trump has finally come to the rescue. The man famously knows how to handle cats.

On October 7, 2016, one month before the United States presidential election, The Washington Post published a video and article about then-presidential candidate Trump saying, in part, “And when you're a star, they let you do it. You can do anything. ... Grab 'em by the p----y. You can do anything."

Accordingly, he is now grabbing the fat cats in Uganda. It is telling that Trump told these words to television host Billy Bush when the two men had a bleep-inducing conversation about women in September 2005.

That is because our fat cats came from the Bush. So you could say that by Trump addressing Bush, he was revealing to our Bush people how he would be redressing their situation.

Three is the benefit of fasting to the Uganda government. Several studies have found promising results on the potential lifespan-extending effects of fasting. So maybe now that the government is deprived of US cash, it can tighten its belt and start behaving as Thomas Sankara would do.

When Ugandans see government bigwigs shorn of their wealth, they will be able to relate to them better as poverty unites us all under one leaking roof. With unity there will be strength and with strength, the government can make muscular attempts to stay in power until Jesus returns.