A group of idlers calling themselves journalists on Wednesday stormed the United Nations Office of the High Commissioner for Human Rights (OHCHR) in Kololo to do what typical idlers do but what happened next must have impressed the fellas who run the country.
Unconfirmed reports suggest that a big man fell off his seat while laughing hysterically at the sight of these journalists being thumped left, right and upper.
The big man, sources say, kept screaming: “Aha, look at them now, those terrorists! They thought they could collude with the West to overthrow this government just because they are armed with pens and cameras? Chapa! Piga wao fimbo, afadhali ongesa risasi pia!”
The journalists had turned up to cover the National Unity Platform (NUP) party president, Robert Kyagulanyi, who was delivering his election petition to OHCHR. But when one of them complained, I told him the bitter truth.
It’s already bad enough that so many people are armed. As you know, a man who has a hammer begins to see everything as a nail. Bang! Bang! Bang!
Now imagine when that mentality mixes with that of a spotted animal somewhere calling those who disagree with him terrorists and that journalists are enemies of the state, what would happen?
Well, the soldiers who were seen running with their guns slung over their shoulders as they used mere dry twigs to massage the journalists were arraigned before military court-martial and quickly reprimanded for failing to do a proper job.
In the Error of the Swine (AD 1965-1985), I tell you, those journalists wouldn’t have been alive to tell the story. Instead, a minister would have addressed the nation and announced the putting out of action a group of terrorists armed with modern weapons supplied to them by Western backers.
This is why after 35 years of aping the Swine, it still beats me that this government can’t get anything right. It’s clear that these journalists were armed with weapons invented by the West and we have recently come to believe that the West is working to sabotage the socio-economic gains of the revolution.
Why, then, would soldiers paid by taxpayers sign for Kalashnikovs and several rounds from the armoury but resort to merely using dry twigs to tap-tap on these journalists? Aren’t they aware that the dry twigs were supplied to them expressly to facilitate picking of their teeth after they have crushed the game meat they are served for lunch?
Wednesday will go down in the record books as this nation’s most embarrassing day. It’s the day soldiers showed taxpayers that their sacrifices in funding classified military budgets is in vain.
Imagine we get to 2060 and our grandchildren ask why soldiers armed with Kalashnikovs were merely using dry twigs to tap-tap on journalists in broad daylight instead of the guns they were armed with, what excuse will we conjure up for this shame?
Shall we say these were terrorists armed with pen-sized pistols and camera-like explosives seen fleeing arrest by the military who had run out of ammunition?
All the soldiers deployed on the day should face the real military court martial. They must be charged with 1986 counts of abetting terrorism by not acting decisively on them, and 35 counts of bringing the military into disrepute.
The CDF is a joke. He failed to read the memo from the IGP. How do you apologise for tap-tapping journalists with dry twigs and even offer compensation? Wasn’t that the act of saving their lives from the danger at the UN offices?
We must set an example. This government cannot continue to lag behind the Swine of the past. Can you imagine that from New York to Himalaya, the mention of Uganda comes with the response, “Ah, Amin’s country!”?
Do we need to go to the bush and rule another 40 years before the world recognises the leader of this nation and stop pegging our name to Amin?