Housemaids from hell? Signs to look out for

Tell-tale signs

Amid their busy schedules, the red flags of childminders pass by many parents unnoticed. Now researchers into childcare are saying these tell-tale signs are hardly rocket science. Mr David Kavuma, a counselling physiologist at Adonai Counselling and Training Services, told this publication that something as mundane as a maid opting not to eat the food they have prepared for the family must be construed as a red flag.

“Bosses should always be mindful of such behaviour and take action,” Mr Kavuma said, adding, “For instance, it does not make sense when you regularly make the home meals but never eat with us. This is a big problem.”

So what’s one supposed to do then? Taking action, Mr Kavuma proffers, may include identifying the maid’s specific weakness and thereafter urging them to change or correct their behaviour. Some employers permit their maids to own phones so that they easily communicate with their loved ones.

The problem, however, is when the phone becomes a distraction. Instead of working, some maids may resort to spending long hours either chatting or sending messages. “Imagine being a maid who’s always spending long hours on the phone rather than attending to the needs of a toddler. It can be annoying.

In such a case, I would advise the parents to have a chat with the maid by encouraging them to use it at only specific hours when they are not working,” Mr Kavuma said. Mr Crescent Mwebaze, a mental health practitioner at Strong Minds Uganda, said parents should also be concerned when the maid openly attacks children over a protracted period. Such a maid, Mr Mwebaze reasoned, “cannot be a friend of the child.”

The other worrying behaviour is when the maid frequently isolates themselves from the child or other family members. The red flag should also shoot up if the maid repeatedly refuses to take instructions as well as stops performing the required roles in the house.

Only human?

Ms Janet Kantalama Katana, the executive director of Safe Places Uganda, said house helps are like other people who get frustrated and will change their moods.

“They could have their own problems,” Ms Kantalama, whose organisation is a leading provider of holistic meaningful mental health interventions and recovery care services for children, youth and the elderly in the country, said. She, however, hastened to add thus: “But all you can do is to observe, take reports from the children seriously and also observe how the children relate with the maid.”

Why then, though, do maids often turn their wrath on children.

Mr Alex Ssembatya, the founder of Make a Child Smile Organisation, who doubles as a child rights activist, told Monitor that it is a classic case of revenge being a dish best served cold. He disclosed that his organisation has established that some of the maids were turning their wrath on these children to avenge their parents’ actions on them.

“Because these maids will not abuse or fight with the parents who sometimes mismanage them, they instead turn their wrath on the children, something we have realised in most of the cases we have worked on,” Mr Ssembatya said. Other factors that rub maids the wrong way include a heavy workload and poor pay.

Cases reported

On average, the police receive about 10 cases of child abuse each week. “The child abuse may be imposed by the maids, parents themselves or other caretakers,” Ms Maureen Atuhaire, a Senior Superintendent of Police and the in-charge of the child and family unit, revealed. Sexual abuse, physical and emotional abuse are the commonest types of child abuse. These cases go unnoticed because they are usually lumped together in the annual crime report, Ms Atuhaire elaborated. According to the 2023 Uganda police force annual crime report, 866 cases of child abuse and torture were reported to the police country in 2023 compared to the 1,240 cases in 2022. The North Kyoga region registered the highest number of cases of child abuse and torture in 2023 (104 cases), followed by the Albertine region (90 cases), Savannah (87 cases) and Kampala Metropolitan Police (KMP) North with 64 cases. Mr Ali Male, a counselling psychologist at A-Z Professional Counselling Support Centre in Kampala, elaborated specific behavioural patterns that could suggest a child is facing torture.

READ: How I knew my child was being mistreated

“Children are very vulnerable in such cases that they cannot report their abuse directly but there are always observable emotional characteristics which should not be ignored such as unexplained bruises, cuts, or burns are obvious red flags. However, subtle behavioural changes such as becoming withdrawn, losing confidence and unusually fearful around the maid may also indicate abuse,” Mr Male said.

He added: “These instances make children lose trust in adult figures, especially when the one torturing is an adult, loses interest in activities they used to love, become so emotional out of nowhere and it sometimes affects their performance in class.”

Mr Male explained that abuse by maids mentally harms children, leading to regressive behaviours. “Unusual bedwetting for a potty-trained child, frequent nightmares, increased aggression, a sudden reluctance to speak and a child’s hesitancy to stay home should never be ignored,” he offered.

Insights from maids

Some of the maids who spoke to the Monitor on Monday defended their actions, saying they are also human and make mistakes. One maid, who spoke on condition of anonymity, said there is already a negative perception about most maids and so when they make a mistake, they are judged harshly. She added that in some instances, a maid may discipline a child when they do wrong and the whole incident is blown out of proportion.

“My employer has an eight-year-old son who’s very stubborn. One time a visitor came over and he refused to go and greet him and so I scolded him. But when his mother returned from work that evening, the boy reported me to his mother and the woman abused me for correcting her son,” she said.

Another domestic worker, Ms Gloria Nagitta, said they may lash out at children because of work stress. “[Sometimes], we are treated like machines working for long hours without rest. The pressure then becomes too much and we end up lashing out at the children,” Ms Nagitta said.

Tips on hiring maids On his part, Mr Male shared key considerations for parents when hiring a maid, emphasising the importance of careful vetting and thorough verification of the history and character of domestic workers before hiring, as its foregoing can expose children to potential harm.

“Some maids grew up in childhood abusive environments being subjected to torture, and obviously cannot offer what they did not get. Parents must verify a maid’s background and family history through trusted sources to know the kind of people you are entrusting with your children,” Mr Male explained.

He added: “Psychology orientation tests should be carried out to mentally prepare maids. Even after hiring, parents must stay vigilant and watch for changes in the child’s behaviour and consider installing security cameras to ensure transparency.” Mr Male urged employers to treat maids with fairness and respect, emphasising that good working conditions contribute to better caregiving.

“Maids under stress or unfair treatment are more likely to vent frustration on children. Providing rest days, fair pay, and kindness can prevent such scenarios,” he explained. Ms Kantalama on her part urged families to further accord maids favourable working conditions like any other worker.

“There are maids who work year in, year out, without having a weekend off, and only have to beg to go for Christmas at their homes. These people help us run our homes and so we need to treat them too as humans. Employers should treat them as humans by being kind and allowing them to rest,”Ms Kantalama said.

And once the maid ticks all the boxes and is employed, Ms Kantalama urged parents to watch the way the maid relates with the child. “If you notice that the child is not freely interacting with the maid, they are scared of them or simply make negative remarks about the househelp, then, you need to act immediately,” she said.

Acting immediately may include conducting further investigations or relieving the maid of her responsibilities. But the counselling psychologists insist that not every maid is bad. Some are well-behaved with great communication skills, are clean and are always ready to learn, even the things they do not know on the job

SIMILAR CASES

August 2023: Rose Nsungwa Karamagi was sentenced to seven years imprisonment after she pleaded guilty to trafficking her boss’s daughter. She was also committed to High Court after she allegedly lured her boss’s granddaughter to have a sexual affair with her brother.

September 2022: A mother/ housewife identified as Dorothy Nabulime was charged with aggravated torture after she was filmed beating and mistreating her two-year-old daughter in Luweero.

November 2021: Police in Kampala arrested Anna Tusubira who was filmed beating her child while daring anyone to touch her. This incident took place in Bunga-Kabalaga, a Kampala suburb.

October 2021: Ms Joan Ayoo a resident of Acamcabo village, in Ibuje Sub County, Apac District beat her six-year-old son whom she accused of eating all the food that had been spared for supper.

March 2021: Patience Uwimana, 25, a resident of Bwuuma Zone, Kyazanga Trading Centre, Lwengo District was arrested after being filmed brutalising a five-year-old child.

January 2021: A nine-year-old Ronald Kanamwanje underwent surgery after his stepmother severely beat him in the stomach in Naguru, Kampala.

 January 2021: Ms Alice Apio a resident of Awere Sub-county in the Omoro District beat and broke her four-year-old daughter’s legs

March 2020: Macklin Ainembabazi, a barmaid and resident of Kigongi A Cell in Kabale Municipality was arrested in Kabale District after she allegedly drowned her friend’s two-year-old daughter.

 In December 2014, a 22-year- old Ugandan maid Jolly Tumuhiirwe was sentenced to four years in jail after she was filmed beating, kic- king, and stamping on the 18-mon- th-old child.

 March 2020: Police arrested two maids; Shamillah Nasaka and Resty Nabasumba in Gomba and Bukomansimbi who had allegedly kidnapped children in Kampala. This came days after police in Ndeeba Police, on March 19 registered a case from Mariam Mubiru, 46, a resident of Ndeeba Central Zone, Rubaga Division in Kampala District, who accused her maid Nasaka of running away with her son Kabite Mubiru.

September 2024: Court announced that a long-serving house-maid and her son would be tried on charges of conspiring to interfere with the estate of her deceased employer, a Ugandan-born British senior midwife. Margret Nabakooza, a resident of Kira Municipality in Wakiso District and her 23-year-old son, David Mutyaba, a student at Cavendish University are accused of forming a common criminal intention with a Kampala advocate, Alice Nyombi Nabakooza to forge powers of attorney for the late Harriet Nabbosa Joyce Kiwanuka.

January 2021: Police arrested a maid in Mukono after she allegedly stole her boss’s money amounting to $2,800 (Shs10m).

 December 2023: Buganda Road Grade One Magistrate Court sentenced a housemaid Mable Nagaba, 28, to one year imprisonment after she pleaded guilty to stealing Shs25m belonging to her boss, Commercial Court registrar Juliet Hatanga. (Compiled by Busein Samilu).

HOW MAIDS ARE RECRUITED

Majority of parents told the Monitor that they hire househelps through recommendations. Their main job, the parents interviewed said, is to take care of their young children. Businesswoman Anita Kawalya said she got her househelp following an endorsement from a family member.

“I reached out to several trusted family members when I wanted a maid in 2020. Eventually, an aunt from the village got back to me saying there was a young hard working girl, a Senior Two dropout, who was interested in the job,” Ms Kawalya said.

When the girl was brought to Kampala, Ms Kawalya said, she interviewed her before finally giving her a job.

“I gave Maria the job because she could speak some English and was also knowledgeable about caring for young children since she has three younger siblings,” she said.

A few weeks after employing her, Ms Kawalya also noticed how Maria was tidy and respectful. Although she is a great maid, Ms Kawalya said Maria occasionally makes mistakes, including sometimes taking time to perform her required responsibilities.

“Whenever I sense something wrong, including slacking on her work, we have a chat and find a common ground of resolving the problem,” she said. Besides relying on recommendations from trusted friends and family members, other families rely on recruiting agencies where families pick a domestic worker of their choice, sometimes at a fee.

The agencies have different terms and conditions. The proprietor of Shaheem maids’ services, Mr Ali Aganus, said they train girls who are interested in working as domestic workers.

“Some of these girls are from villages and are school drop-outs,” Mr Aganus said, adding, “We have a camp [house] where we train them on different aspects, including hygiene matters, morals, child care and cooking. By the time a client comes to take them, they know what to do.”

Concerning payment, Mr Aganus said payment is specifically made to the girl. Other recruitment agents, who spoke to Daily Monitor on condition of anonymity, said they get a monthly commission of the maid’s salary since they are the ones who helped her get the employment.

“For example, if she is receiving a monthly salary of Shs150,000. We take a cut of Shs, 50,000, from the money. We sign contracts and the employer is also made aware of the arrangement for transparency reasons,” the agent said.

And in circumstances the maid misbehaves and the employer reports them to the agency, the recruitment agents say they either reprimand the worker or find another replacement for the family.

SIGNS TO LOOK OUT FOR

10 signs of a maid from hell

• Often verbally attacking and beating up the children
• Negative reports by the children
• A maid not friendly with the children
• When children refuse or stop associating with them
• A maid who refuses to eat food she has prepared
• Isolated maid who avoids the company of family members
• Refusing to take instructions from the bosses and showing at titude
• When the maid suddenly stops doing house work without any reason
• Always saying she is sick as a way of avoiding work
• A maid who is always talking or engaged on phone

Signs of God-sent maid

• Loyal and dependable
• Shows empathy
• Ownership mindset
• Patient and hardworking
• Respectful and reliable
• Flexible
• Self-driven and pays attention to details
• Resilient and humble
• A good maid consults
• Doesn’t cross boundaries

How to uphold a good working relationship

• Clear communication
• Set clear boundaries avoid misunderstandings.
• Set clear expectations regarding their duties, schedules, and behaviour.
• Provide constructive feedback
• Respect the maid’s boundaries
• Don’t mistreat maids, they are also human beings
• Pay salaries on time and don’t cheat them
• Don’t treat them like slaves
• Respect them, they will reciprocate
• Hire trained maids from a specialised agency
• Do background checks
• Embrace them as family members
• Install CCTV cameras

What others say

I do it myself. I got fed up of maids because it is always a tug-of-war to work with them since some always come with different intentions. For that case, I move and work with my children to confirm their safety. I would advise that children if possible should spend more time in daycare centres to limit their interaction time with maids because this reduces on the harm towards them. Also as employers, we should change the way we treat these people they need to feel loved in order to reciprocate love to us and the children they take care of– Ms Magaret Nassozi, a businesswoman, a resident of Kajjansi in Kajjansi Town Council, Wakiso District.

Install cameras. I am a frequent traveller and I rarely spend time with my two children but I feel more peaceful leaving them with my relatives than recruiting a maid whom I do not know. We all have different upbringing backgrounds and way of conduct in handling our tempers. It is important for parents with capacity to install CCTV cameras, it might be a bit expensive but it saves a lot that even if you are out of the country you are updated with whatever is taking place. We should as well abolish the recommendation method of acquiring maids who are not trained to handle young ones– Ms Juliet Nakimera, businesswoman, a resident in Kyengera town council

Use referrals. When we are hiring a maid, it would be better if we get maids from the people we know. So, there is some kind of referral in case of anything. Then, you do a background check on your own. For us as a family, we always do a thorough background check and then, we have to keep monitoring her. There should be orientation, so the maid should know the family values, beliefs and there should be clearly set boundaries so that the maid knows what is expected of her and what is not. We aim to look for people who are in the same faith and when you come, you join us, work together, have daily devotions, evening and morning and we don’t treat you as a maid but as a family member – Dickson Tumuramye a parent and parenting coach

Chances call. There is no clear-cut thing about what a maid should be like.But the thing about a maid is about chance. You sometimes get a good maid or a bad maid. The ideal situation would be to get a maid who has been trained in housekeeping and how to do their job from reputable companies, although that is expensive. Usually, parents look for the easy way out, which is to get people who are already frustrated, who are already victims of gender-based violence themselves and all they know how to do is to do violence. But the best solution would definitely be to go with those maids who have been trained – Damon Wamara the Executive Director Uganda child Rights NGO network

More time. A lot of youth nowadays have given birth before getting ready for parenthood so they fail to nurture or even give ample time to their children. You find someone who does not even know the likes and dislikes of her child, what complications the child has, for example allergies or asthma. He or she has to ask the maid everything. Let us give our children more time to build that connection that the child can open up to you in case of a challenge. Additionally, let us be cautious of where we get the maids from, look at their backgrounds and sometimes it is better to choose one of the same culture given that we have varying cultural practices, norms and morals– Mr Brian Muganga Kivumbi, journalist, a resident in Kyengera Town council.

Neighbourhood watch. Maids are a necessary evil because some of us can barely do without them. But I recommend that as parents, we should encourage neighbourhood watch. Personally, I have friends in the nearby homes and when leaving I tell a specific person to watch over my children’s moves and interactions with my housemaid. This works because there will always be suspicious observable incidences with the maid’s interaction with kids. For example, terrible cries, scolding and harsh tones. Also, bosses should not have sexual relationships with maids because they cause conflicts between maids and the women at home. So maids in such homes shift their anger to the children – Ms Racheal Namawejje, teacher, a resident of Makindye Ssabagabo Sub-county

By Esther Oluka, Sylivia Katushabe and Sylvia Namagembe