Setting goals with your child is a collaborative process.
Happy New Year!
As we enter the New Year, among the many things we must do, we must help our children take stock (or make sense) of last year’s achievements and failures and then set this year’s goals (or “resolutions,” as some choose to call them).
Goal setting is important for children because it gives them a sense of direction and focus. In a football game, the aim of players is always to outscore their opponent. Imagine for a minute if there were no goals. Players would be running around the field like headless chicken!
Setting goals with (as opposed to for) children must be a collaborative process. It is important because sometimes parents can be fixated on fixing goals for their children forgetting that the younsters also have their own perspectives and dreams. So it is important that parents listen to the children and set goals together and such a time as this is the perfect one for this exercise. It is as rewarding and challenging a process for parents seeking to empower their child to live purposefully in this life.
Here are some simple steps to help you set effective goals:
Know your child first
According to Abel W. Walekhwa, Ugandan, Cambridge University scholar, founder of the African Centre for Career Mentorship and careers coach who innovated and founded the 4WFramework, a free online tool for Personal Discovery, says, “There is a need to first discover the potential of your child before setting the goals for the year. Again, is it easy? Certainly not, it takes time and a deeper exploration of your son/daughter. This can be achieved through critical listening and observation. You need to make her/him your friend so that they can open up. Their thoughts are important as you need to help them make sense of those thoughts.”
Visualise their desired future first
According to Stephen R. Covey’s book, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People”, the second habit is “Begin with the end in mind”. Help your child visualise the future they want and let them see the picture ahead of them. You can draw or paint it with words so that they can see it. Once they see it, they get motivated and inspired to pursue it even when they are away from you.
Involve them
Depending on their age, start by discussing goals with your child. Ask them what they want to achieve this year and encourage them to consider different areas (academics, sports, hobbies). Seeking their input first puts the ball in their court, so to speak, and gives them the motivation to own the goal and the process leading up to achieving it. You want them motivated from within themselves rather than from without, which is more sustainable.
Make goals SMART
Help them create Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic Time-bound (SMART) goals. Instead of them saying for instance, "I want to get better at mathematics," guide them to say, "I will set aside 30 minutes per day because I want to improve my Mathematics score by 10 percent by the end of this term.” This specific is the subject), can be measured (10 percent), is not overly ambitious and can be achieved (30 minutes per day after school to study Mathematics), and is realistic and time-bound (end of this term).
You can apply the same for any other goal you want to set. It works every time. When the goals are measurable, they can be tracked. This could be through regular check-ins or progress charts. For example, Anita Muhairwe, a careers counsellor, mother of four, and co-founder of Shine Leadership International, a youth empowerment organisation explains, “My 13-year-old nephew and I agreed that he would read 13 (his age) non-fiction books this holiday. And he did. Now we have agreed to push the goal higher to say 15 books next holiday when he comes back from boarding school.
As a parent, you have to be there to act as motivation and accountability for him because at that age, so much is happening in their heads and bodies that are potential for distraction they need your constant attention and redirection.”
Be realistic
It has been said that Albert Einstein wrote, “Everyone is a genius. But if judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.” His point is simple and basic: Be realistic with your child, and consider their ability and potential without demanding more than they can give. You, for instance, cannot ask the child to set the goal of learning to play piano if they have no interest in music or piano in the first place.
You can discuss any potential obstacles to the goal with your child and how they might overcome them and help them find the balance that keeps them motivated without feeling overwhelmed. For instance, your 13-year-old child might be a slow reader/learner he might not be able to read 13 books like Anita’s nephew but he can read five. Accept that and go with it. Always remember, it is the child’s goal you are setting not yours.
Break goals into short, medium, and long-term
Goals that are not broken down are not achievable. And not every goal must be achieved right now. You must break down the goals into manageable time frames for a child to know which goals to tackle and when. You can include a mix of short-term goals (such as, finishing a book), medium-term goals (revising 30 minutes daily after class), and long-term goals (for example, completing a project or learning a musical instrument).
Review and adjust the goals
No goal should be cast in stone. If it does not fit the child’s character and talent, cast it out and replace it. In short, regularly review the goals with your child. If they are finding something too difficult or not challenging enough, encourage them to adjust their goals accordingly to provide motivation and momentum for them to keep going.
Pauline explains, “I was good at sciences through school I ended up in medical school. Two of my children are headed the same way and I like it. But one does not feel different. At first, I made the goals for him assuming he was like the rest but I was shocked into submission. I let him be. I work closely with him reviewing and adjusting his goals with him more closely. And he is doing well.”
Celebrate achievements
Do not wait for your child to be the winner of that swimming gala, top their class or win the championship to celebrate them. No! Acknowledge their simple efforts and celebrate when they reach their goals, no matter how small. This reinforces their effort and motivates them to work harder to fulfill future goals.
Remember, the aim is to teach children the value of setting goals and following through, fostering a sense of responsibility and achievement. Happy goal setting with your children!
