Writer: Nicholas Sengoba. PHOTO/FILE
In Germany way back in 2002 the colour of the hair of the Chancellor then, Gerhard Schroeder, caused a huge storm. A news agency quoted an image consultant’s claim that Mr Schroeder ‘would be more credible if he did not dye his hair.’
An opposition MP Karl-Josep Laumann picked it from there and asserted that ‘a Chancellor who dyes his hair will also dress up statistics.’
The Chancellor ran to court to stop the news agency or anyone else from talking about his hair and implying that he was dishonest. In a report by CNN, headlined ‘Good hair day for Schroeder,’ the Chancellor with his barber Udo Walz, as the star witness, armed with a sworn statement, managed to get a court judgement that barred the news agency or anyone from making the claim about the touch up on the Chancellor’s hair. Imagine what would happen if these Bazungu came to Uganda where bleaching, hair dyeing, and telling lies about one’s age is the order of the day? Especially now in our silly and often fraudulent, violent election season.
The campaign posters of all hues, are flying in all directions. You can hardly tell the person on the poster if you don’t read their name or know the constituency they intend to represent. The exception is the constituencies that have become synonymous with individuals as ‘personal property.’ There is a joke that one of the reasons why people vote for the wrong leaders is because the people on the posters and ballot papers are different from the ones they see on the campaign dais.
Internet and communication technology has come in handy to carry out cyber bleaching, hair dyeing, and face lifting. They may add a puff of hair for the bald-headed. Dimples, a gap in the teeth, and an ample behind for those ‘unlucky’ ladies not blessed with a generous posterior a boon in many African societies.
In Africa, we love to associate wisdom with advanced age. But when it comes to Ugandan politics, it is smarter to look fresh and young. Uganda has one of the youngest populations in the world.
The elderly are becoming an endangered species. From the 2023 statistics, about 43.94 percent are aged between 0-14 years. 53.91 percent are between the age bracket of 15-64. Only about 2.15 percent are above 65 years of age.
The challenge is apparently that one of the most lucrative occupations and sources of livelihood is political office. When one gets in, they never want to leave for the younger generation which they expect to keep voting them in office. That is even when they are physically and visibly incapacitated, senile and no longer of sound mind. So, one is going to have to fight age, reinvent and rebrand themselves, by touching up on their appearance. If you are going to associate and appeal to these young voters, then you will have to negotiate a discount on your ‘visible age.’
There is an avalanche of light-skinned, chubby-looking ‘baby faces’ on all street corners. Like the kerfuffle raised by Schroeder’s hair, it implies a watering down of the truth. When you give the devil and inch, so they say, he takes a mile.
One small lie opens flood gates of a myriad of bigger lies. Deception is a major aspect of Ugandan politics that it is very hard to get voted if one does not tell lies and make outrageous promises. This is where the problem starts. We are dealing with people who are in the habit of lying to themselves as they fight mortality.
They definitely will lie to the voter. Then there is the issue of messages. The promises and lines about servant leadership and integrity are cliché. So are all these titles about academic qualifications. The most significant one for me is the one that recognises the importance of associating with the reality of Uganda’s violent history. Since 1966 when the military overtly joined Ugandan politics, one has an edge if they are aligned with the military.
It is an added advantage if they can demonstrate that they are capable of mustering violence. The military ranks with the abbreviation (rtd) for retired, come in handy. Flight, Captains smartly leave behind the ‘flight’ part in order to appear more martial and battle-ready.
One may even add ‘was in the bush between 1981-86 to liberate Uganda.’ On the ground, there is a petty but violent streak on display. Many politicians have well-paid squads to deface or destroy the posters of their rivals. In other instances, posters with deceptive or misleading messages are made of their rivals with the intention of bringing them down. Way back in 1996 the late John Nagenda framed some pictures of the main rival to President Yoweri Museveni. The late Paul Kawanga Ssemogerere was placed together with the former exiled UPC leader Apolo Milton Obote who was allegedly waiting in Nairobi. It had misleading information that Ssemogerere was in the election as a filler. In case he won, his aim was to return Obote to the helm. Obote was a loathed political figure in the populous Buganda region, it reminded many of the skulls of the Luweero war. The rest is history. In the 2021 election, the NUP leader Hon. Robert Kyagulanyi Sentamu, a.k.a. Bobi Wine, was to meet the Electoral Commission (EC) to complain about violence against his party.
Overnight, the walls of the well-guarded premises of the EC were decorated with posters of his image smoking what many perceived as ‘weed’ , which fitted in the narrative that he was a ‘mere drug addict’. In other cases, the posters of especially the ruling party are used to display impunity and a blatant abuse of power. It is common to find posters of the President at Courts of Judicature, Parliament, police stations, military establishments, and public service offices. All of these are supposedly non-partisan institutions of the state. Notably, those of the opposition are not allowed to take part in this offensive, visibility-rewarding activity. When this happened at Entebbe International Airport, an official of the Civil Aviation Authority pointed out the anomaly of using a national asset to promote partisan interests. She was removed from office and prosecuted.
On other occasions, politicians have displayed a selfish lack of respect for others in general, for especially the rights of private property and economic interests. They place their posters on newly painted walls without permission or compensation. They will take up issues about the removal of the same if the owner of the wall correctly reverses their action. In more bizarre circumstances campaign posters are placed right on top of expensively erected outdoor advertising, in total disregard of the investment of the owners of the space. Such politicians will never empathise with what business people go through. Yet more find traffic road signage as the appropriate place for images of their painted faces. Campaign posters, like all pictures, speak more than a thousand words. We only need to listen.
X : @nsengoba
