A peek inside Museveni’s new Cabinet: Just whose contact is worth having?

People will die holding their breath as they wait for President Museveni to appoint his new Cabinet after an election: he likes to takes his time while at it and immensely enjoys keeping everyone guessing! At least three categories of people wait anxiously.

 One, outgoing ministers hoping to bounce back, or Members of Parliament (MPs) who feel they have done enough to catch the big man’s eye and it is their turn to “eat” – and have paid hundreds of millions to lobbyists that claim to have a say in who gets on the Cabinet list. 

Two, the naïve, petty-minded Ugandans who think that having a minister from their tribe is a big deal. And three, hustlers who need a strategically positioned minister to make things happen. It is Group Three we address.

Problem is, in Uganda, office (position) and authority (leverage) are often strangers to each other. So, whose phone number really matters, if you want to change a game? Depends on which league you play in – League One, national; League Two, regional (north, east, Buganda, west, etc) and League Three, Grassroots - district, sub-county or village. 
The President – absolutely – if you can get his number in the first place (score A-Plus-plus-plus): any and every door will open. 

Vice President Jessica Alupo: B minus – League Two. Some doors might open…after pushing and shoving. VPs in Uganda are supposed to lie low like the proverbial envelope; energy and enthusiasm are punished severely, especially after suspicious rounds upcountry talking about upland rice. Prime Minister Robinah Nabbanja: C minus, League Three status: much ado about nothing. Will the real premier please stand up?

First Deputy Premier Rebecca Kadaga: B minus, League Two. Politically, her clout is gone, but could ride on her illustrious history. Second Deputy Premier Gen Moses Ali: C minus. Old and tired; no sting left in his tail. Third Deputy Premier and minister-without-a-Job, Lukia Nakadama: C, League Three. 

Education minister Janet Museveni: A-plus. Only the President can say no to her; put her on speed dial (in the unlikely event you access her). Minister for the Presidency, Mariam Dhoka Babalanda: C. Security minister Jim Muhwezi – B-plus: wily, old fox; mastered art of pulling strings and is a historical, have him on speed dial. Minister of Science, Technology and Innovation, Dr Monica Musenero – B. She has the big man’s ear; but don’t bother if issue is political. 

Minister for Kampala, Misi Kabanda: C. Minister for General Duties Kasule Lumumba: B; crafty she-fox, very near the big man. 
Government Chief Whip Tayebwa Thomas: B-minus, puppy that has learnt to bark and will soon begin to bite. Minister for Disaster Preparedness Hillary Onek: B. Old bull in the kraal; knows which grass to browse.  

Minister for Karamoja Affairs Maria Kitutu: C. Minister of Agriculture, Animal Industry and Fisheries, Frank Tumwebaze: B-plus – Museveni’s boy; speed dial status. Attorney General, Kiryowa Kiwanuka: A-plus. Keep him close and never let go. He’s been AG for many years now. 

Defence minister, Vincent Ssempijja: C. Deal with the real Defence minister, please. Energy minister Ruth Nankabirwa: B. Knows how to whine, weep and throw tantrums to get Mzee’s attention. Finance minister Matia Kasaija, C. Chap couldn’t even get to read his own Budget speech! 

Foreign Minister, Gen Jeje Odongo, C. Handle matters with the substantive minister, please. Gender minister Betty Amongi: C. Minister of Health, Dr Ruth Aceng: C-minus; better with viruses than politics. 

Information minister, Dr Chris Baryomunsi, B-plus: could make Eve eat another apple today. Minister of Internal Affairs Kahinda Otafiire, B. A volcano whose eruption intervals keep shifting; go slow. Lands minister Judith Nabakooba, C. But she may connect you. 

Minister of Local Government Raphael Magyezi, C-plus.   Minister of Public Service Muruli Mukasa, C. Tourism minister Tom Butiime, C. Trade minister Mwebesa Francis, C. Minister of Water and Environment Cheptoris Mangusho, C. Minister of Works Katumba Wamala, C-plus. Good man, but he doesn’t pull strings when his own integrity will be questioned.

From the junior ministers, you’ll need the one for Industry, David Bahati (A), and Internal Affairs, Gen David Muhoozi (A) on speed dial. State for Animal Industry, Bright Rwamirama (B-plus) will be necessary. Evelyn Anite (Investment) would have been a C; but she makes so much noise (in the right ears) that a B categorisation is inevitable.

Mr Tegulle is an advocate of the High Court of Uganda     [email protected]