Writer: Gawaya Tegulle. PHOTO/FILE
Did you ever overhear your father talking about you with somebody else? What was he saying? Could you tell what thoughts were running through his head? Were you pleased with yourself, after what you heard; or did you feel like a knife was being plunged deep into your heart? Or are you one of the completely foolish who will not pause to ask, ‘what is my father thinking’?
Two incidents for me. First was at a funeral in the village. It was a dark night, in the good old days when the moon and stars were what lit up our village. The moon was off-duty that night. I had excelled at something and I caught my father telling the story, in his quiet way, to a group of villagers who, it seemed, had asked him about it. He spoke with unmistakable pride and it made me shy; so, I walked away, unseen in the darkness. Second incident was a few years later, after I had messed up. I overheard him explain the incident to family friends who had come home after hearing the news. His words were few, his tones were low, telling the tale of a father in great pain. It was a knife through my heart. I vowed: never again would I cause my father such pain. Daddy is now 85 and I’ve kept that vow.
When you become a parent, at least two things happen. One is that you finally begin to understand what it means to love. Nothing beats the love for a little fellow that you brought into this world. The other is that you begin to dream and entertain great expectations in respect of this child. You hope he’ll be what Americans call ‘good people’; and grow into a great man. From a young age, you look out for signs that the boy is growing aright; with joy coursing through your veins when it seems to be going well, and disappointment when things appear to be going south. A son, properly brought up and able to live to the expectations of his parents, is the pride and joy of his father. When he refuses to grow up, it’s like nursing a cancer in your bones.
It is an important attribute for a father worth his salt that his words be few; very few indeed! His words will be few in the good times and in the bad times alike; in the day as in the night. But that should not be mistaken with having nothing to say. When kids turn out badly, men feel the pain more than anyone else, because it stings your pride and equips your enemies with free ammunition against you.
But even under the most immense pressure, most men will choose to be quiet. At best, they may say a word or two to somebody close to them; but in the broader scheme of things, they’ll keep counsel.
Usually, it is up to the children to be conscientious and think about what consequences their families – especially fathers - will have to contend with as a result of their foolishness.
King Solomon, heir of David, emphasised the duty every boy or man has to his father. “A wise man brings joy to his father...” he said in Proverbs 10:1. He went on to emphasise in Proverbs 17:25, “A foolish son brings grief to his father...”; and in Proverbs 19:13, “A foolish son is a ruin to his father...!”.
Children have no idea how their foolishness breaks the hearts of their parents, especially their father. Mothers may tolerate foolish sons, but for fathers, it is absolutely devastating...even if they are silent about it.
That’s why Solomon wound up with a plea in Proverbs 27:11: “Be wise my son, and bring joy to my heart, then I can answer anyone who treats me with contempt”.
Solomon, clearly, wrote this with his son Rehoboam in mind. Had it been these days, a DNA test would have been in order, because as it turned out, the wisest man that ever lived had a foolish son who, after succeeding him, destroyed his father’s legacy. The kingdom which had prospered, was torn into two, with the bigger chunk of 10 tribes being lost. The house of David only kept Judah and Benjamin. Foolish boy!
Mr Tegulle is an advocate of the High Court of
Uganda [email protected]
