Bobi Wine’s withdrawal of Presidential Election Petition No. 001 of 2021 was a very good idea; it was going to be a waste of court’s time, since, as everybody knows, President Museveni was simply too popular. From the look of things, the President won the election fair and square; nothing flawed or fraudulent about it.
He was so popular that in some places, quite a few places actually, there was a very remarkable achievement of the votes counted being more than the registered voters.
This is clearly a case of popularity simply shooting through the roof! The only plausible explanation why votes were more than the registered people is that being cattle corridors, the cows also voted.
We are not talking about these local variety of cattle. No sir. We are talking about modern, 21st Century cows; smart cows that are perfectly able to walk to the polling station and exercise their right to vote a leader of their choice – and they all agreed that since the grass was tasting much better, thanks to 35 years of the great leader being in power, he was the smart choice. The Electoral Commission felt absolutely able and comfortable posting such results.
We had many polling stations where the popularity of the great leader spoke for itself. The turn up was 100 per cent! In these areas, nobody on the voters register died.
I agree that everyone in the world had a very difficult year; people died of Covid-19, wars, various sicknesses and this or that. But in certain areas of Uganda where the great leader enjoys overwhelming support, nobody died, in 2020, the most difficult year in recent human history. Nobody was taken ill.
Nobody travelled. Everyone was alive and well. Everyone voted and tell you what, they all voted the great leader! And people in these places, just like the cows, are very smart; there were no spoilt votes – everyone knew exactly what they had to do!
Since the great leader was also popular and greatly loved by far, in all areas of the country, thanks to 35 years of nothing but progress, the armed forces were deployed to improve security in certain areas, so that these small ghetto boys of just the other day, do not disturb “the peace ushered in” by the great leader.
Just to be sure that Bobi would not go into certain areas and find himself in undue trouble, the great leader’s men picked up Bobi, put him aboard a chopper and flew him home. Oh, how touching! How so very kind! They made work easier for Bobi by locking up basically his entire campaign team in some military facility where they are still enjoying the immense hospitality of the Uganda People’s Defence Forces.
This is what we call a professional army.
The District Police Commanders (DPCs) were given “guidance” that if Bobi found his way into their areas, they would pay with their jobs.
The whole country was brought to attention when RDCs were equipped with brand new vehicles, with instructions to ensure that the President wins in their respective districts.
Now, everyone knows these are public funds and it is unlawful for them to be used to facilitate the President’s campaign.
But then again, this shows how so very popular the great leader is; he needs taxpayers’ money to beat his opponents.
We also saw further evidence of the great leader’s popularity when he shut down the internet, so that Bobi’s malicious intentions could not be realised through social media.
He also shut down mobile money services, as he did in 2016, so that Bobi’s people have no way of moving money around.
Those in the great leader’s party, as usual, had sacks of cash moving around, so they really didn’t need mobile money.
Generally, this was a very free and fair election; and as Uganda’s hotshot pastors observed, over chicken wings and pork ribs at State House recently, the most peaceful election Uganda has ever had and one won purely on the basis of popularity of the great leader.
Mr Tegulle is an advocate of the High Court of Uganda