Men are not okay and we need to listen
Writer: Alfred Muyaaka. PHOTO/FILE/COURTESY
What you need to know:
- Dear men, silence is not always strength. Sometimes, it’s pain. Sometimes, it’s a cry for help.
June is Men’s Mental Health Awareness Month, a timely reminder that while men are often seen as strong and dependable, many are silently struggling beneath the surface.
From school to the workplace to even online spaces, what should be safe environments have become battlegrounds for countless men. And home, once considered a refuge, has, for many, become just another space of unrelenting pressure and quiet responsibility.
Some men leave home early and return late, not because they are detached or uncaring, but because home no longer feels like a place of rest. It feels like another shift. Another performance. Another space where they must show up, provide, and solve.
They are stretched thin trying to be good partners, dutiful sons, supportive in-laws, all while juggling work, expectations, and the unspoken command to “man up.”
When a man’s phone rings, he often hesitates to answer. Not because he doesn’t care, but because he already knows it’s likely another crisis. Rarely a “How are you?” or “I just called to check on you.” More often, it’s a problem to fix, a need to meet urgently.
A WhatsApp message pops up, and his chest tightens. It’s rarely encouragement or appreciation. It’s another urgent request. Another reminder that someone needs him again.
Even when men give, they’re met with silence. No acknowledgment. No thank you. Sometimes, they have to follow up just to confirm the help they offered was even received.
And when they don’t give, it’s not because they don’t care, but because they fear it won’t be enough, or that it will be little and met with criticism.
Visiting their own parents can be complicated. Some men feel unwelcome unless they arrive with money or visible signs of “having made it.” Saying “I just came to see you” no longer seems sufficient.
They show up for birthdays, weddings, baby showers, funerals. They give and support and stand in the gap. But when it’s their turn, their celebrations are viewed as inconvenient. Their needs are “too much.” Their gifts, too expensive.
And when people ask them about marriage, it’s rarely from a place of care. They don’t ask what’s holding him back, or how he’s coping. They don’t consider the debt, the anxiety, or the loneliness disguised as strength.
They just ask, “When are you getting married?” Because society has taught men to carry their burdens in silence. To break quietly. To keep showing up even when no one shows up for them.
But this cannot continue to be our norm.
This Men’s Mental Health Awareness Month, and going forward, we must do better. Let’s check in on the men in our lives, not only when we need something.
Let’s ask how they’re really doing. Let’s normalise telling them we love them, appreciate them, and that they, too, are allowed to be tired. To cry. To say, “I’m not okay.”
Because silence is not always strength. Sometimes, it’s pain. Sometimes, it’s a cry for help behind a forced smile. Sometimes, it’s a man screaming on the inside while the world looks away.
Men are not truly silent. We just haven’t been listening.
This month, and always, let’s listen to them.
The writer, Alfred Muyaaka, is an advocate and founder of the Dear Young Lawyer Series.
