Museveni is a merchant of true love; we are very blessed to have him

His Excellency the President, speaking at the state funeral for our beloved Archbishop Dr Cyprian Kizito Lwanga, made a profound statement that did send warm thrills coursing through the veins of every Ugandan.

That he has loved God with all his heart and loved his neighbours as he loves himself. Even when he is fighting, he fights with love – or else he “would have caused a lot of problems”. Had I been a Justice of Appeal I’d have said: “I agree entirely and have nothing useful to add”.

Such a loving President we got! He has caused absolutely no problems at all to anyone anywhere in this country! He has loved Uganda so much that he simply cannot let go of the presidency; which by the time of next election will make 40 years. How many leaders can sacrifice 40 years of this short sojourn on earth to be President? No, I doubt this President even loves himself at all, he just loves Uganda!

He’s not like these unpatriotic leaders, take America’s Bill Clinton, George Bush or Barack Obama who, after doing eight years in the White House thought it was okay to hand over power! Was there no money to pay legislators to amend the Constitution and remove term limits?

These men didn’t love America at all! Hopeless!
And look at this my dear Donald Trump who left the White House the other day just because he had lost the election. How does a real leader who loves his country leave power because of a mere election? And how does he even allow an opponent to campaign? Didn’t America have an army?

Where was the Central Intelligence Agency (CIA)? Where was the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI)? Couldn’t they trump up (hello, hello!!) some charges against that Joe Biden and lock him up? Just lock up the terrorists and prevent them from campaigning – especially with that Covid-19 killing Americans by the thousands!

Were there no ‘drones’ to pick up democrats, lock them up and show them some love with some good, old-fashioned torture? Just tuck Biden away in a military chopper (sounds familiar?) and fly him to Guantanamo Bay and let the president continue with his campaigns! Shoot everyone who dares demonstrate against the arrest; a few more widows and orphans won’t bring America to a standstill.

Compensate the ones whose departed ones were not demonstrating and let the rest cry themselves to sleep. Pick up every member of Biden’s campaign team (there should be a couple of them wearing some colour which is the preserve of the military, thanks to a law you enacted after seeing them wear it) and arraign them before the Court Martial. Very simple, if you think it through. In Uganda that is love that knows no bounds!

Love unprecedented; love unlimited! No, no! Trump was such a disappointment! Couldn’t even rig an election organised by his own government – yet he could even have appointed his people at every point of the electoral management process, to be there when he needed them. Verdict: Trump simply didn’t love America.
Our President is a merchant of love! We are talking real love here - the kind that makes the likes of Mother Theresa look like trashy paupers of love.

Admittedly, the last few months have yielded plenty of widows, orphans and heartbroken parents; but worry ye not; for the blood of their loved ones, spilt by state operatives, was spilt in love. The women should, one way or another, find other men (polygamy is perfectly legal here by the way and cohabitation has never been criminalised), so that they get new husbands (or men, boyfriends, man-friends, by whatever name called) and the kids will by default acquire new fathers. Move on!!

My brother, Shaka Ssali of Voice of America would, in his signature baritone, say we are “exceedingly and profoundly humbled… and lucky” to have such a one as President. I feel particularly inclined to borrow from King Solomon’s Song of Songs and say, ah, Mr President, thou son of Kaguta; how thine eyes shine with love! I shall lay me down to sleep, content in the knowledge that my future dost lie secure…in the power of thy love!

Mr Tegulle is an advocate of the High Court of Uganda     [email protected]