Ms Bruna Patricia Acam
It is two weeks now since learners resumed studies and my colleague’s children are unfortunately still at home. This has been the routine for this man’s children since 2022 when his job was affected by the downsizing at his workplace due to the closure of the Democratic Governance Facility (DGF). At one point, his children did not attend school for an entire term.
Paradoxically, this colleague’s wife is gainfully employed in one of the government institutions and earns handsomely but will not spend a single penny in the household because it is allegedly not her responsibility to cater for bills, including school fees. As many return to class, there’s a category of children like my colleague’s left behind because their fathers have not paid school fees. Yet, in some of these cases, their mothers have the financial means to step in but choose not to.
Why? “Sente yekikazi, sente yekikyala” loosely translated as a woman’s money. This is not just a financial issue, it’s a deeply-rooted societal problem that perpetuates harmful gender roles and exacerbates mental health struggles for men, with the possibility of harming families and children. The expectation that men must bear the sole responsibility of providing financially is not only outdated but also detrimental to their mental health. Men are often silently burdened with the pressure to be the primary breadwinners, and when they fall short, due to job loss, illness, or other circumstances, they are met with judgment, shame, and isolation.
This toxic narrative ignores the fact that parenting is a shared responsibility, and financial provision should be no exception. The Children’s Act Cap.62 places parental responsibility on both parents for the wellbeing of their children. This parental responsibility includes education, medical care, clothing, adequate diet, shelter, etc. Unfortunately, societal norms continue to place an unfair and disproportionate financial burden on men even if their wives are gainfully employed. In another instance, a client whose business had failed, sought legal assistance because his daughters were unable to return to school. Like the previous situation, his wife, despite having a source of income, had refused to pay fees, citing this belief that providing for the family is her husband’s sole duty. This left him feeling emasculated, overwhelmed, and trapped in a cycle of despair. As his mental health deteriorated, so did his ability to be present for his children. These two stories are not unique.
They are a true reflection of a systemic issue that is affecting countless men and leaving their mental health at stake. While men often face immense financial pressure due to societal expectations, it is important to recognise that financial stress is not exclusive to them. Single mothers, widows and women in financially imbalanced relationships also bear significant financial burdens. A truly equitable society should move beyond rigid gender roles and embrace shared financial responsibility, ensuring that the wellbeing of children and families takes precedence over outdated norms. Gendered expectations in child upbringing are not just bad for women, they are also bad for men. It is high time we challenge these norms and rethink financial roles in households. In today’s era, where more women are running successful businesses or gainfully employed, financial responsibility should be a shared commitment rather than a gendered expectation.
Money earned by either parent should be seen as a resource for the family, not as a tool to enforce outdated power dynamics. The question must be: What is the purpose of earning money if not to invest in the wellbeing of the children and family? The year 2025 should be the year we commit to uniformly deconstruct gender roles, challenge the notion that men must be the sole providers and women the sole caregivers. Let us create a world where both parents are equally invested in the financial, emotional, and psychological wellbeing of their children. It’s time to break the cycle. True equality begins when we let go of the roles that confine us.
Ms Bruna Patricia Acam is a
legal practitioner and founder of
Femjustice
