The First Family prayer!
What you need to know:
- Give us this day our daily roads, in Kololo and its surrounding environs, or, if we ask for too much, give us at least an updated diary of the visits from your Son, your wife and kin so that we may truly know when we have earned our worth to drive on those roads when your family is at the airstrip.
It is a Christian thing, when all else fails, to resort to prayer. We are told, in the Bible and by various testimonies, that prayer has the real pound of flesh to sink our worries away.
It is also, a literature thing really, to use sarcasm as a device and tool to inspire a change in behavior. Mostly because, sarcasm attacks and makes a mockery of actions in such a way that the perpetrators see themselves in first person narrative.
So today, we shall draw our prayer from the Book of Sarcasm Chapter 19; Verse 86
Our father, who art in Rwakitura, Entebbe or Nakasero,
Hallowed be your many names; between revolutionary, Ssabalwanyi, the one who cannot be corrected [Tibuhaburwa], Ruhemba Ogwenjura it can often be difficult to pick a fitting one for the occasion.
Thy kingdom of unending rule that you seek to pass down to your generation come.
Thy will, not that of our constitution or our collective hope and votes, be done and not done as it is in the protests of Kampala, or as it is demanded by your opponents but as it is done on your herds in Kisozi.
Give us this day our daily roads, in Kololo and its surrounding environs, or, if we ask for too much, give us at least an updated diary of the visits from your Son, your wife and kin so that we may truly know when we have earned our worth to drive on those roads when your family is at the airstrip.
Forgive us our trespasses of wanting to eat bread when there is cassava, of wanting cheaper fuel prices when we can walk, of wanting food in school whilst we can pack it in food flasks, of wanting our coffee whilst Pinetti wills it for the European Market.
And forgive those who trespass against us; the thieves that clobber us, government officials that rob us to build hotels here, the historicals that plunder our wealth, dispossess us of land and push us off roads with their noisy convoys.
Lead us not into temptation; the temptation that you will go away in 2026 and hand power to your son, that kind of temptation that we were led into in 2016 to believe that your best friend could take up the reigns from you, the temptation that those who have started projects without knowledge of your intentions are currently suffering.
But deliver us from evil; the evil of wanting a good government when we have the NRM, the evil of sounding clever when we are ideologically bankrupt, the evil of wanting democracy when you went to the bush and hunted your animal.
For this Uganda is your kingdom to govern, with the son on your left hand, the holy spirit in our coffee farms and the mother in our schools now and forever more.
So we pray, Amen!