Author: Angella Nampewo. PHOTO/FILE
Starting November 25, the world marks 16 days of activism against gender-based violence. This year, locally, more attention has been given to violence against men. This is not to mean violence against women has suddenly come to an end. Far from it. It may just mean men are finally tired of rolling with the punches and have decided there is nothing to lose in reporting domestic violence.
A few years ago, as a writer and editor at this esteemed newspaper, my team ran a campaign highlighting stories of men tormented by their spouses. What was striking was the kind of terror the men reported. They spoke of violence based on or arising out of financial circumstances and it was not exactly physical every time. Reading those stories, you would realise that women, just like men, can be nasty abusers when they mean to be.
In what seemed like unreal tales, men spoke of unfaithful partners siphoning family resources and even in some cases sharing them with their lovers on the side. They told lies, running rings around their men and leaving them guessing as to the paternity of their children.
It took a while for the men to seek remedies because like many people suffering abuse, they tried many other avenues, including turning the other cheek and forgiving their spouses but by then, families had been torn apart, properties lost or sold off and businesses destroyed.
Since violence against men has been a taboo subject for a long time, with many preferring to present a macho face to the world, it is hard to estimate the levels of abuse men may be facing.
The stories of victims interviewed did have a few things in common though; the male partners were unaware of the baggage their female partner brought into the relationship. In one case, the wife had a criminal past and a tendency towards violence and crime that she had no intention of leaving behind in her new life. In another story, the husband did not know that his future wife was coming out of a marriage gone sour. Neither did he know the reason why her previous relationship had failed.
Love is a wonderful feeling and for that reason, it can mask many bad intentions. When riding on a high, it can be easy to overlook the red flags. At the heart of it all, is lies and manipulation.
A man finding himself a victim of abuse would do well to seek help at the earliest opportunity. Emotional abuse is just as damaging as physical abuse and while some women have been known to throw physical punches, there are worse ways they know to torment their partners.
Our forefathers had ways of checking out their prospective in-laws, to see if, for example, the other family did not have a criminal background or even a reputation of witchcraft or nightdancing.In the modern era where we have so many avenues of meeting our prospective partners, the proximity and ease of access could blind us to some key signs of potential abusers.
During this observance of the 16 days of activism, awareness is key within domestic relations. A quarrelsome, manipulative partner will not change simply because you put a ring on their finger.
Domestic violence is real for both men and women. If he has slapped you once, he will kick you next time.If she is stealing and cheating, she could do it again. Don't find excuses to sweep abuse under the rug.We all deserve a happy and healthy life, free from violence.
Ms Nampewo is a writer and editor.
[email protected]
