The world needs  more male feminists

I have been fortunate to meet many male feminists on my life’s journey, starting with my own father, who was and is still is my biggest champion. In the history of my people, there have been great feminists. 

Where I come from, our fathers would secure their daughters’ properties during their lifetime. Prominent men have left their daughters in charge of their estates. Feminine power is acknowledged and nurtured from an early age. 

I come from a place where women are not afraid to speak their minds and to sit at the table with others as equals. We learn to respect all human beings, male and female but not to disparage and doubt anyone on the basis of their gender.

Therefore, anyone who suppresses a woman, takes away her voice and stands in the way of her success does it, not in the name of culture, but from the depths of their own insecurities, poor character, bad social conditioning and possibly poor upbringing. 

Our cultures do not support battering of our mothers, threatening our daughters and wilfully depriving them of opportunities. Let no one beat a woman and break her legs and then claim that has anything to do with how our culture sees marriage.

We should stop telling our girl children that they cannot walk out of marriages no matter what. This is not a do-or-die affair. That is not what women sign up for when they say “I do”. The vows say “till death do us part” but nobody said that someone has to die first before we realise that there were other options. 

Years ago when I was caught up in an abusive and dangerous relationship, a very progressive man offered me counsel and support in seeking the protection I needed from another man who had dared to lay his hands on my beautiful neck.

It took only one attempt and the woman in me rose up in fierce protest. I was brave enough to seek help and though I felt ashamed for ending up in this kind of situation, I was also taught to love myself enough to know that I didn’t deserve it. 

In that moment, all the strength in my genes came forth and I knew I had to do everything in my power to bring the abusive situation to an end. And in case you are wondering, I was young and had no particularly powerful connections but my life mattered enough to fight. 

I asked for advice and fought smartly. We need to teach our girls that they matter and no one should tell them otherwise. They should also know where to report and which places to go where they will not be shut down and told to return to their toxic relationships, grit their teeth and bear it.

Two weeks ago, a woman was beheaded in broad daylight in Lira District. The man who committed the crime had issued several threats and her family knew about it. Yet, as the regional police spokesperson for North Kyoga noted, many people underestimate a threat to life. Her family had witnessed the separation but it was also a family member who finally persuaded the woman to return to the proximity of her would-be killer. 

I have met many good, progressive men who encourage, protect and promote women. When I come across these men, I always say a prayer of thanks for their parents and whichever village raised them. Because of the good ones, the world is a better place. The world needs more male feminists. 

Ms Nampewo is a writer, editor and communications consultant     
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