Children are a gift from God

Recently, I had a conversation with a male colleague seeking to understand why majority men don’t usually take an active role in the upbringing of their children.

I posed a question to him, “Why aren’t many fathers today in Uganda fully present in their Children’s lives?
His response was; “Men are always busy!”

Busy doing what? I asked?

As a parent, I want to believe your children are the biggest project you need to pay attention too, especially in their formative years. Remember, they won’t be young for long, before you know it, they will become adults, leave you and start their own lives. You must cherish every time you have with them.

You want evidence? Recall this study from Makerere University which made rounds on social media platforms, and left everyone wondering, where are the fathers?

The report revealed that only five percent of fathers in Uganda are actively involved in their children's lives. It also found that 10 percent of men have fathered children but were unaware of them, 40 percent of men have fathered children but had abandoned them, 45 percent of fathers looked after their children but did not connect emotionally with them.

This state of affairs needs to be addressed. Men, can we have a genuine conversation, what could be the contributing factors to these alarming figures?

Different studies have shown that when fathers are not involved in their children's lives, it can lead to a range of negative impacts on the child's development, including emotional problems like low self-esteem, behavioural issues, difficulties with social interactions, poorer academic performance, increased risk of substance abuse, and potential challenges with forming healthy relationships later in life; essentially, children may feel a sense of abandonment and insecurity due to the lack of a father figure in their lives.

Looking at one of the negative consequences of fathers ‘absence which is an increased risk of substance abuse.
According to a study, 60–71 percent of school-going children in Uganda aged 12–24 use addictive substances, with alcohol being the most common. In Kampala, a study found that over 70 percent of youth aged 12–24 had ever used a substance, and nearly 40 percent used it regularly ((UNODC 2022).

Is the fact that having many fathers missing in their children’s lives fueling substance abuse in Uganda?

This would be an interesting area for further research, it would give a clear picture of the seriousness of the problem and would help in coming up with intentional interventions.

Meanwhile, one would think the problem of lack of father’s involvement in their children’s lives is only in Kampala where the men are very ‘busy’ but you would be mistaken.

Recently, I was in Yumbe holding dialogues engaging young people in and out of school discussing issues of teenage pregnancy, child-forced marriages, and gender-based violence prevention.

A deputy headteacher of a certain primary school noted with concern how parents, particularly fathers have stopped taking part in Parent-Teacher Association meetings (PTAs) to discuss issues concerning their children. She revealed that when parents are called for such meetings, a few and only mothers attend. She was disturbed that many children in their communities have lost direction in life due to lack of parental guidance.

She made an appeal to parents especially fathers to take back their responsibility of fatherhood, be actively involved in their children’s lives, provide, protect, discipline, and guide their children, as opposed to abandoning them to their mothers and schools.

The children I interacted with also admitted that most of their parents no longer care about them. Children have a lot of freedom to do what they want, and that is why some of them end up joining bad peer groups that abuse drugs, while others end up in sexual relations with older men which leads to unwanted pregnancies or HIV infections.
Dear men who are already fathers, and those intending to be, please be reminded, fatherhood is an everyday job, it doesn’t stop when you get a woman pregnant, it is for life.

Don’t abandon the responsibility of child upbringing to women. Be an active, ever-present father. You play a very vital role in raising responsible citizens by being a role model, spending quality time with them, guiding and showing them the right path in life.

Remember, when you come to the end of your life, your job, your money, titles, or anything else you put above them today won’t matter, your children will. Don’t fail them today.

Vivian Agaba, freelance health/science journalist and Foreign Policy Analysis graduate.