My mother’s mental illness: a dark cloud over my life 

The reunion between mother and daughter, in a mud-and-wattle grass thatched hut on Kayei Landing Site, Akokoro sub-county, in Apac district, is teary. 

Although clean, the interior of the hut is almost bare. One bench stands in the middle of the hut. A mat graces the earthen floor. Above our heads, on wires, clothes hang down from the rafters. The monthly rent for the hut is Shs10,000. 

First, there is laughter. Mother and daughter have not seen each other in such a long time. Then, the mother declares her HIV status. The tears flow fast. 

“My advice to you, mummy, is that since you have been infected with the virus, you do not need to date so many men. You should not lose hope because you are not the only one who is infected,” the daughter tearfully tells her mother.

Although Patricia Auma had always had the intuition that her mother might be HIV positive, she shied away from acknowledging it. 

For a few minutes, the two cry and console each other. The love between Evelyn Acen and her only child is evident. They are also very close in age – Acen is 36-years old while Auma is 20-years-old.

“In 2014, when I gave birth to a second child and she died, I discovered that I was sick. The father of the child was from Puranga (Pader district). He also died. Do not ask me how I met him, because you know, we women are always on the move,” Acen explains to her daughter. 

The young woman did not know that her mother had given birth to another child. Her mother has battled mental illness since she was 10-years-old. Although today is one of her lucid days, Auma warns us that her mood might change at any moment. 

“I have another man now, and he is HIV positive. I was given drugs at the health centre and I take them every morning. My man lives in Kibaale but we always meet here,” Acen adds. 

Because of her mental condition, she is always on the move, walking from district to district in the northern region but her favourite abode seems to be the landing site. 

Auma’s life of struggle
The young woman completed her Senior Four examinations two weeks ago. She lives with her great-grandmother, who is Acen’s grandmother.  The 84-year-old woman raised Auma. They live in a single room in Ireda Lumumba in Lira City.

“My great-grandmother sells foodstuffs like simsim paste, cooked rice and mandazi to provide for our basic needs. Her small business catered for my school fees from the primary school level to Senior Two,” Auma says.

In Senior Three, after failing to raise tuition, Auma’s great-grandmother pleaded with the school principal to employ Auma without paying her a salary so that she can attend school free of charge. 

“I do construction work, digging, and cleaning at the school during the holidays. To raise money for my basic needs, I wash people’s clothes and clean their compounds in the neighbourhood we live in,” Auma says. 

Such is the belief she has in herself that her dream is to become a surgeon in the future. However, she has a number of huddles to overcome. 

Betty Alum, her great-grandmother, says the girl was conceived as a result of aggravated defilement. 

“Auma’s mother was a twin but after her sibling died when she was 10, she developed mental illness. She refused to go to school. One day, when she was 15, I returned home from the garden and I was told by the neighbours that they had seen a man taking her away,” she says.  

The girl, Acen, returned in the evening and told her grandmother that she had been defiled. The alleged perpetrator was known to Alum.

“I reported the matter to the local council chairman a few months later when I noticed the girl was pregnant. But the man denied the accusation saying, ‘How can I impregnate a mad woman?’ It is a good thing that my granddaughter gave birth to a girl who will get married and go away,” she says.

Acen breastfed her baby for a short time and then abandoned her to take on a life of wandering. She occasionally returns home for a few days before disappearing. 

“She can spend a year without returning home. She will just sneak in, laughing and say, ‘Jjajja, I am back.’ Then she will stay for a week and go off again,” Alum laments.  

In the last 20 years, the man who defiled and impregnated Acen has never returned to claim his child. As a result, the child has always faced challenges with her education.   

“The good thing is that she loves education and I believe that after her Uganda Advanced Certificate (UAC) results return, God will provide a way for her to continue her education,” Alum says about her great-granddaughter.

The old woman hopes to find a well wisher who can construct for her a home that she can leave to Auma when she dies. She says the home will be an asset that the girl can use as her security even if she gets married. 

“You know nowadays marriage is not easy so she should have somewhere to return to if things do not go well. The good thing is that she is an obedient child. With my strength ebbing, she always asks for permission from her school to come and clean the house and wash my clothes,” she says. 

Life with a mentally ill parent
Living with a parent suffering from mental ill health can be challenging to a child, with emotions ranging from anger to helplessness and embarrassment. 

“Sometimes, when mummy comes back home, we have deep conversations. But at other times, she can be so rough to the extent of rejecting me, saying I am not her child. That hurts me,” Auma says. 

Auma adds although she has never seen him, her great-grandmother told her the man who allegedly defiled her mother lives a short distance away from their home.

“If he wanted to support me, he would have come to see us a long time ago. But he has not. I feel so bad because I do not know how it feels to have a father’s love in my life. I feel out of place when people start talking about their fathers,” she laments. 

Her greatest regret in life is that she has failed to convince her mother to abandon her wanderings and return home.

“I love mummy and I know she loves me too, but whenever I try to tell her to return home, she becomes wild, barking at me. This has affected me a lot. Sometimes, I long for advice from my mother on how to tackle life’s challenges, but I will never experience that,” Auma says.

Future aspirations
Auma’s situation has helped her build resilience and given her the courage to hope for a better future. 

“I have learnt that even though I am a young woman, I should not give up on life or engage in reckless relationships just to get money. Over the years, I have found that being a girl does not mean you cannot fight for yourself to have a better life,” she says.

Auma confides that unlike her peers, she has never been attracted to the life of having a number of boyfriends to cater for her needs.

“I have to hustle for myself. Also, being without a father does not mean you are useless to society, as some of your mother’s clan members might want you to believe. Set your goals, focus on them, and work hard to achieve them,” she says. 

She calls on Good Samaritans to support her attain her dream of attending medical school so that once she graduates and secures a job she can help others in her situation.

“Of course, I am scared of the time when my great-grandmother will die. At the moment, I can stand on my own but I am not stable. I still need support from her and other well wishers. I foresee that I might lack a home when she dies,” Auma says.

Alum has advised her great-granddaughter to forgive her father should he wish to be a part of her life at any stage.  

 “I have been told he lives in Adekokwok (East Division, Lira City). They told me that his name is Jackson Obua and spends the entire day drinking alcohol. If he comes to us, I will forgive him because the Bible tell us to forgive those who wrong us,” Auma says. 

Elizabeth Alyano, the executive director of Centre for Women and Children Reintegration (CEWOCHR), a local non-governmental organisation operating in Lira City, says Auma has a brighter future if empowered economically and supported to complete her studies.
 
“I do not foresee a challenge for her if her great-grandmother is no more because of the level of confidence she has. She can do any job. I asked how she bought a smartphone and she told me she earns from washing neighbours’ clothes and cleaning their homes,” she says.
 
Auma is not close to her grandmother, who works as a housemaid in Katakwi district. In her school, she was the vice chairperson of the Scripture Union.

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