Why your parenting style needs a little tweaking

At the beginning of each year,  people tend to spend some time evaluating everything about life.  Their wins. Their losses. Career progress. Grand mistakes. Opportunities lost, thriving business, among other things.

One of the forgotten areas is examining our parenting habits and assessing areas that need improvement. The greatest mistake you can make as a parent is to assume that you are the best parent there is and your parenting style is unquestionable.

 Each new day, we should be asking ourselves how we can raise better children and citizens by learning from others, reading and through research. The decision to do so needs to be made now, not later, and the beginning of the year is a good way to start. But where do you begin from? Here are some resolutions every parent must make this year:  

Spend more time with children

 Spending time with children is more than being physically present; it is being emotionally and mentally present too. You are probably like Jeff who scores terribly on all presence with his children and you want to change that. “I have been busy as a bee this year. I am in school pursing my doctorate degree beside my social life. I am fully aware of the importance of spending time with the children I need no lectures about that but I did not do anything about it in 2023. I intend to be intentional about spending some time with my children this year at least to limit my social life, allot some weekends and public holidays to staying home with the kids, and while at it, unplug more by putting away the phone, laptop, and television remote and not have to answer my emails. It will be tough for me at the start I guess but I will learn and improve with time.”

Work on your relationship

Proper parenting exists in an atmosphere of a good relationship. The more stable and fulfilled you are in your marriage, the better you will be as a parent and the easier it will be for you to transfer that security and confidence to your children. The two are synonymously related. Caroline says:

“My best friend lost her husband in a car accident this year. They had been married for two years. All of a sudden I realised that life is too short to spend fighting my spouse. I intend to commit more time to working on my weak marriage. Be more understanding rather than be critical and judgemental to create harmony in the home.”

Loosen up

Some parents are convinced being tough on the children brings out the best in them. Well, to a certain degree, yes, but not all the time. “I see the way my wife handles the children and I admire her for it. She is gentle and kind and engages in conversation with them all the time, whereas I am aloof and only come in harping and yelling at them when I am enforcing a rule.

‘‘In the process I am driving them away from me. I notice they prefer their mother’s company to mine. I want to change it this year. I need to loosen up and sometimes let them be; they are children, after all. I cannot control every aspect of their lives.”

Teach them responsibility

You have the duty to raise responsible children and assigning them chores is a great starting point. But some parents are overprotective that they do not allow their children to do anything.  “I grew up in hard circumstances.

I promised myself to give my children a soft life and this is what I have been doing for the last 15 years. I, however, seem to be nururing lazy children. I have resolved to change this year. I am starting with making a duty roster and laying off one of the three house helps during the holidays.

Family meetings

 “I watched a TED talk where this Muslim lady speaker talked about how she was raised. They had regular family meetings where they were always encouraged and permitted to speak their minds. She has gone on to be outspoken on female issues no wonder TED hosted her.

“I admired that quality and would want to have it for my children. As a single mother of two teenagers, I want my children to be courageous (it is the only choice they have in this crazy world!). We shall be starting with weekly family meetings every Sunday in 2024,”  says Aisha. 

Exercise often

We often forget to take care of ourselves, spending all the time caring for our little ones. Being healthy is the most loving thing we can do for our children. Mary says: “I have been physically unfit for the most part this year. I tried to motivate myself to good health habits such as exercising but failed.

“But I am convinced that if I continue this way, I will not be around to see my grandchildren. I am fired up for it and the single motivation is that I need to do it for the sake of my children. I need routines to get me in shape. The more fit I am, the more time I have to look after my children. Subscription to my local gym is the way to start.”

Walk the talk

Returning home late in the night after a night hang out in a bar does not give you moral authority to talk to your child about avoiding bars. “I am the parent here” does not cut it with them either. You must walk the talk. So how about you modelled what you preach to your children this year? How about you made changes to your lifestyle so it can reflect the values you want to pass on to your children? It is not complicated.         

The year is a good time to make changes in your parenting habits.  You can start now.  Good luck to you and happy new year!