Monday September 11 2017

‘Foot and mouth disease’ affecting churches – Otafiire


Ecweru: Lokodo, as ethics minister, what do you say about this thing of people going down flat and kissing shoes of their pastor?
Anite: Mbonye is not just a pastor but a prophet.
Ecweru: Whatever!
Franca: @Ecweru, you really have that much confidence in Lokodo, huh?
Lubwama: Where is Lokodo?
Bobi Wine: Supervising the porn committee.
Lokodo: Good people, first things first. Germany tried to fight every other superpower and lost miserably. I have priority.
Nsereko: So going after people who send seductive text messages is more important than defining religious menace?

Abiriga: I think those people, they choose for themselves and nobody’s business criticising them now. Let’s focus on nation building with Mzee.
Anite: Like Lubwama prostrates before Kabaka.
Abiriga: Eh! I hear prostate cancer is deadly. He needs quick medical attention then. Is the cancer machine up and running?
Franca: I think they said prostrate, not prostate.
Abiriga: Yes, Lubwama, when did they diagnosis you?
Okupa: I think whoever first used the word prostrate should recall it for Abiriga’s sake!

Franca: Hahaha, I tried to help but it seems it can’t be helped.
Abiriga: What is wrong?
Fungaroo: Even Bobi Wine is good with prostrating before the Kabaka.
Bobi Wine: It is one thing to prostrate to the Kabaka, and another altogether to prostrate and kiss another man’s shoes.
Okupa: So Bobi Wine, you wouldn’t kiss Kabaka’s shoes as his Omubanda?

Bobi Wine: I can kiss my mother’s feet. Only mother. The rest, never.
Mpuuga: I think Abiriga can kiss Museveni’s feet.
Abiriga: Hmmm!
Bahati: These things of kissing another man’s feet could be the reason Otafiire pulls the gun when you call him Severino.
Munyagwa: Actually, I now relate with why Otafiire abandoned the seminary.

Otafiire: Religion is the modern day opium of the bourgeoisie.
Nsereko: [Sends photo of a cover of a local weekly newspaper]
Nsereko: So the papers are saying that Uganda has more churches than factories and that is how low we shall continue sinking.
Tumwebaze: Well, what to do when people reject an industrial project in the name of protecting their land? Like the Amuru thing.

Otafiire: What is happening in these churches is debasing. If I had my way, I would ban all these churches and only allow the more sensible traditional churches. The Pentecostal movement is a fraud.
Anite: The constitution allows freedom of worship.
Ecweru: And Otafiire went to the bush to bring us that freedom.
Otafiire: Constitution should actually be changed from time to time becomes times change.
Fungaroo: Like a diaper?
Munyagwa: Diaper is for politicians with no morals.
Bahati: So Bwana Severino, would you kiss someone’s feet any day?
Otafiire: I have no foot and mouth disease.

Franca: Hahahaha
Otafiire: You look at a suave man going down to kiss another man’s feet, that is no more than foot and mouth disease and since these followers are aptly called ‘sheep’, I can understand what they are suffering from.
Lokodo: Eh, Otafiire.
Okupa: I need to read Lokodo’s ministry mandate and see if it includes policing the churches. I expect Lokodo to draft a Bill to regulate these churches otherwise what Otafiire says might be true.

Munyagwa: The biggest challenge is the poverty of the mind. Those people being duped, they are living below logical poverty line.
Lubwama: What is this one talking about? Does he work with UN now?
Mpuuga: @Munyagwa, you are on point. The way these sheep behave, we might one day find them being led into the slaughter house like Kibwetere did in Kanungu.

Bobi Wine: Lokodo, you have work to do. Forget the porn nonsense, do something the nation can be proud of.
Lokodo: Morally upright people are praising my work already. Why don’t you go and organise another music concert, Mr Bobi Wine?
Katuntu: The problem is that we expect so much from Lokodo. They say only vipers climb the coconut trees to look for a meal. Monkeys will always do with the less challenging bananas.
Mpuuga: Oh man! That was below his dog collar.
Otafiire: Dog what? That man hiding behind moral mannequin was excommunicated.
Lokodo: What did I do to you people?