Thursday August 21 2014

I have lost that golden intimacy



Do you have a woman in your life?
That is a tricky question. I do not have one.

You are a presentable man who potentially attracts a lot of women...
I do not know. There are funny things people like about someone. I may have the attributes that women love about men but I have no woman.

But I have severally seen you in company of women, so what is it that they like about you?
I do not ask them about that but I think there are so many things. Some will like the way I look, while others will like my profession because I am an artiste and I am on their screens from time to time. Some will like my structure, my dreads or the way I dress up…there are so many things.

You have dated Mariam Ndagire and Ruth Wanyana, what drew you to them?
I call them my friends. They have special attributes and there is an attraction between us because I have a family with them; we have children involved. The other thing is that they are good mothers.

So, do you look out for plus-size women?
Not quite, but I do appreciate them because they are African and I like African women.

What kind of relationship do you have with them?
I have to be a father and they have to be mothers to our children. That is the special relationship we have.

Are you still interested in love?
Ah, love, love, love. I think I have lost that bit in my life. I think I still love women but that golden intimacy is gone. I don’t think I have it anymore.

What makes you say that?
It is because of my past. I think it is not proper for me to engage or bring in another person in my life. It will be difficult for her and I will have to be sensitive about how she comes in, and when she does, she will have all these questions. Then the other two women will be involved. When will the drama stop?

The challenge aside, how do you handle the attention that you get from women who hit on you?
Women will always be there. Women will always come onto you.

How do you handle them?
There are girls who really like me and they call me and do so many things for me, but all I do is engage them and we discuss life.

What is the boldest move a woman has pulled on you?
There are so many things that women do. Women think they can come loaded and do all things possible to get you down. They forget they can be victims of the tricks that they come with. I resist all this because at the end of the day, like I told you, I already have women in my life.
For example, women will ask for outings and I will tell them I don’t have money for such and when they see me in a good car they will think I am lying. So you have to be ready to answer those questions and you have to be ready to be yourself. There are so many people who come to me, and each comes promising this and that but when will all this end? I like being responsible for the decisions I make; it is like when driving a car, you know when to step on the brakes.

Any man gets lonely at some point. What do you do in such a situation?
I have a lot of female friends. So I always go out with them, sit, chat and do many other things.

But you will need someone to satisfy your intimate or sexual desires.
That is private (breaks out into laughter).

If God was to bring you a woman, what kind would you wish to settle with?
The woman I would love to settle with should be able to understand me and my past and that it will always be there because I cannot erase it. This history includes two women with my children. She must also be able to believe in me at any given time. There should be no regrets. And trust me, that is a very hard decision for a woman to make because it is hard to find somebody who can accommodate all that, because, as you know, love is jealous. She will be jealous, then she will start demanding for children and then I will have to explain to my sons that this is a new relationship. It is difficult, but not impossible.

Do you stay with your children?
No, I do not stay with them. They stay with their mothers but we have learnt how to go about it. They have visits to my home and during school visitations I am there with their mothers. We try to make sure that the children do not feel there is a big gap between us. I love my boys so much.

I can feel the distance in your expression; don’t you think this will affect their future?
It will because there are consequences for each, and everything and we have to accept it. What we do is talk to them and pray that they understand the situation. I decided with their mothers that we must not show our differences when we are together because already, we do not stay together.

What are the differences that often arise between you and the mothers of your children?
Well, the big differences between us are mainly about when I agree to meet one but instead meet the other. No woman can accept to have a co-wife.

Who of them did you date first?
(Everyone knows that, so I do not want to go back to that). Ha ha ha!

What is it like being single at 43?
I enjoy my status now because my privacy is not encroached on by anybody. I am a hands-on person at home and I am particular about small things. But if you have a woman, she takes over the home and they will tell you that it is their home and they must do whatever they feel is good for them. What is good for them is not good for me so I like this bit of my status because I am independent and I can make my own decisions. I do not want to make anybody a scapegoat for my being single. I like it because it gives me freedom to live my life. However, people may think it is all about having fun and going out and doing so many other things, but I call myself a loner.

What is your definition of love?
Love has many definitions and there are various kinds of love. Love is when you lose yourself to some person, because it is all about two souls coming together, and when two people come together, the other person becomes a part of you. In love there is acceptance and forgiveness; you accept whatever someone does. For love you will do so many things because there is intimacy; that connection between the two people.

There is time for everything and I hope time will come when I meet someone. But because we have no power to change our past, we must take responsibility for our actions. My main focus now is to care for the young ones and prepare them for a better tomorrow. I have chosen to put self-satisfaction aside until a time when any decision I make will not affect both parties.