If they don’t fit, do not suffocate your body

The blue velvet hugged her like an undersized body bag, emphasising all the wrong places. She had a wide shoulder blade and ample bosom, her dress left little to imagination, especially when it hugged her swollen belly and no, it was not a baby bump, just a really well rounded midsection. She looked a lot like the genie from Aladdin’s magic lamp for as our eyes descended, there was little else to see but a frumpy trail of velvet.
She sat down next to me, held her chin so high that for a moment I thought she was blowing kisses to God from her ruby red lips. She looked at me and rolled her eyes is slow motion, I feared that an epileptic attack was coming on, but later discovered that was just her ‘bad girl’ look which she kept displaying all evening. I smiled waiting to catch her eye so I could say hello or give her a nod of acknowledgement, but no, after the first eyeroll, she would not look at me again. She just kept pouting at the sky.
You know what they say about a woman with a beautiful smile, well the reverse is true for a woman with a nasty attitude. However, what bothered me most at that moment was her dress. Why would anyone wear such an uncomfortable dress to a funeral service? If it was for attention, well then she was on point because she was getting plenty of that, albeit the wrong kind. For a moment I thought I could see her intestines but realised it was just badly done embroidery on the dress. I wondered if she would be able to eat anything with her body wrapped up so tight like that.
Yes it is good to show off some of those curves but methinks it should be in moderation, lest you end up looking trashy rather than classy, which no one wants, right? So pray tell, why are we always squeezing into clothes that are clearly too small? Is it because the clothing industry has run out of clothe to make fitting apparel or are we just a bunch of misguided people taking advice from a blonde, size zero ‘fashionista’ who sits on her little throne and posts YouTube videos issuing ridiculous and inapplicable fashion advice?
Last week, a 35-year-old Australian woman was reported by various media to have been hospitalised for four days after skinny jeans she wore damaged her muscles and nerves. It is reported that she was helping a friend move and spent several hours squatting while she cleaned out cabinets. Her legs began to feel numb. Then while she was walking home, she fell and could not get up. This could happen to anyone of us.
Honestly, raise your hand if you have never squeezed into a pair of jeans. And by squeeze, I mean a bout of mini frog jumps around the bedroom until the jeans finally ride up. Or if you have never worn heels so high that you ended up walking like a praying mantis in slow motion mode. Then there is the eyebrows. Why do people draw little ticks and in some cases inverted semi circles on their faces where eyebrows should be?
I could go on and on but the point I am trying to make is, it is time to declare our aspiration to stand against fashion that turns us into clowns or even endangers our health and it does not matter whether the executive committee of the fashionista party endorses us or not. Let us start by getting proper clothes. Yes flattering, but fitting clothes.
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