Is getting kinky a relationships booster or simply outrageous?

Manuela Mulondo

What is kinky sex?
I believe it is a non-conventional way of pursuing your sexuality. There are various ways people view sex. Kinky is on the edge, a bit different, and for some, enhances their sexual lives.

Are you comfortable with it?
I am not necessarily a fan because of the fact that it is not conventional; there are certain things I am a bit wary of. Kinky sex is broad and there are a few things that I can do and others that are a no-no. For example, instead of going for a threesome, why wouldn’t I just pole dance for my husband? There are things that go against my beliefs and the institute of marriage. When it comes to things that make a sexual experience less boring, I would go kinky. Things like dressing up, role playing… but threesomes, sex toys, chains… not for me.

Who should initiate it?
I guess the one whose desire it is, should go for it. There is usually, between the two of you, one who will get tired of a routine thing and feels there is a need to pursue something different.

How should you involve your partner?
You should communicate it to your partner and just not surprise them. For example imagine you are in the middle of a session and your partner slaps you... [giggles]. They will be in total shock. If you are a communicative couple, it would be nice to talk about it so that you hear what the other party has to say. I believe sex is like many of the other issues that come with partnerships so there should be compromise between the two parties. So, if you are conservative and believe that you cannot do certain positions, the other partner can pursue it to a certain degree – one new trick at a time. You should not flood them with these new Aladdin tricks at a go and make them uncomfortable.

The appropriate place?
This is where parents, relatives and friends come in. Drop the children there for a day and maybe forget them there at night, by mistake [smiles]. It gives you an opportunity to spend time with each other. I would also suggest having sex dates. If you are into role playing, go meet at a certain hotel and pretend that you do not know each other. Next thing...game on.

How often?
For women, sex is very emotional. I do not agree to scheduling certain things. It is something that comes emotionally. However, for men, it is a need and thirst – it is like water. So, once in a while, throw in some sparkling or flavoured water. Surprise them.

And the old folk?
One of the greatest pieces of advice one of my ssengas gave me is to always have a young friend. They always have new tricks they discuss with each other. Sex is one of those things that is going to stay in a marriage or relationship – everything that I get in my marital home, I can get at my parents’ house, except that. Even as you grow older, try what works for you. However, do not go beyond what you cannot do. Do not get a heart attack trying to do a certain style. Do what is comfortable.
The good thing with growing older is that it is less about activity and more about the relationship and a friendship. If you want to go kinky, do so but please don’t break your back.

Bottom-line
If you are both comfortable with how your lives are, then leave it at that. But if you want something more, discuss it and if it is fine by you, go for it. It is really about an individual’s interests. You can do without kinkiness but it is an additional something that would make the cake taste better.

No mincing words. His views may come as no surprise to the NTV Men followers and trust Colin Asiimwe, to say it as it is.

What is kinky sex?
When most people think kinky, the visual of handcuffs, whips and chains comes to mind. But it can be as simple as blindfolds and a whole range of unusual, sensational feelings. The idea is to stimulate and spice up variety in the bedroom. This is important, especially for couples because love is not commitment. It is a feeling and decision that you make every day towards someone but that does not mean that they will not be boring after weeks, months or years. Kinkiness keeps your sex life alive.

Kinky vs freaky
Most people are unaware of the thin line between kinky and freaky. Kinky is good, freaky is scary and over the top. I personally don’t know how to handle freaks.

How broad is kinky?
Kinky is broad. It could be strip teases, lingerie and negligees. It could also be texting or sexting, like it is referred to lately. With the advancement of social media, like Whatsapp, sending selfies, videos or pictures of each other is a whole different level.
Even talking dirty heightens one’s excitement. In other worlds, gifts precipitate the mood.

Who should initiate it?
In the world we live in now, either party can initiate it but in my view, because men are traditionally seen as the wooers and seducers, it actually would play well if they initiated it. Because men are supposed to be unfeeling, the kinkiness makes it more exciting and it is also pleasurable for the woman.
Truth is most men are good at taking and women giving so it would be nice to be in a place where a man is giving. There are women who work hard to please but on some occasions, just lie down static because they are pretty.

How should you involve your partner?
It is proper to slowly introduce the subject to the other person, especially if your partner is conservative. There are people who admit they do not know some things. You have to be patient and take them through it step-by-step.
Getting information online or buying books could help. Many couples read 50 Shades of Grey as a reference. I guess it is different strokes for different folks. For some women, watching a man cook is a turn-on while for others, there is so much stuff to learn in bedroom politics. But it should be agreeable by both parties. However, do not expect some people to embrace it.

Appropriate place?
For families with children, you can send them away for the weekend. There is an option of weekend getaways. But while the children are home, use sign language or codes.

How often?
The switch should always be on. There is no particular time for it. Flood him or her with texts any time of day. Because couples go through a lot, it always helps to create little highlights in someone’s day. Surprises at home come in handy.

And the old folks?
Well, just don’t hurt yourselves or break a bone or two. But it doesn’t have to be as crazy as the young ones. The older people are quite conservative so you don’t expect them to put a strip tease pole in the bedroom or wear dominatrix boots. There are things they can do like spending more time together, sharing jokes or calling each other pet names. It brings a whole new different light to the “conversation”.

Bottom-line
Speaking the love language often amplifies the response and how much kinkiness you can get out of your partner. Couples should put it at the back of their minds that in the end, kinkiness is part of a memory-building exercise. You are building interesting moments with this person and that is what makes the relationship grow stronger.

How playing bondage choked one couple’s marriage

Gad and Scarlett were a model couple and many people loved to be around them just so their optimism in relationships was heightened. They were an inspiration. So in June last year many people were left in shock when Gad told them that it was over. He was walking out of their marriage because he couldn’t bear living one more day with a double-faced wife. According to Gad, despite Scarlett’s reserved nature, she liked things a little different in the bedroom. He said his wife liked to put him on a leash, literally, before they became intimate. She would drag him by the neck on all fours and ask him to sniff the ground. He wasn’t happy.

The first time she suggested it, he did it because he thought it would be a silly thing they would laugh about later. But she asked a second time, then another, and soon it was the only way Scarlett would get fulfillment. She would later reward him with a massage or whatever else he wanted. Everything was okay until Scarlett’s demands started changing. At first she used scarves to bundle him up but later started using chains – this explained why one of Gad’s friends had found him buying a dog chain yet the couple had no dogs.

For Gad, the abuse had become unbearable. While Scarlett’s character only showed itself when they were in the bedroom, living with someone who treated him like a dog in another life became too much for Gad that he was left with one option - ending the marriage.

counsellor’s take :Susan Badagawa, Hope in Life
I don’t think kinky sex is normal because that’s not how sex was designed to be. But I guess people do it out of curiosity and exploration. For couples who enjoy what they discover about it, I guess it boosts their sex life and you find that they cannot enjoy intimacy until they indulge in it. However, if only one partner enjoys it, then it is worrying because it means they will go out of the relationship to find it. In my opinion, romance should not be so extreme. There are other ways of romance like massage and pillow talk, it doesn’t have to be kinky.