My wife has stood by me even when I battled an alcohol problem

His story

What is your full name?
I was baptised William Yakobo Bekunda Kahirimbanyi. Everyone calls me Bill. I am a videographer and a “healthy lifestyle options” advocate.
What do you have to say about your wife?
She is the most tolerant person I have ever known. She is an honest, quiet and hardworking beautiful lady from Ankole. She is a devoted Christian, mother of two; Taffi Nyakwezi and Creflo Manzi.
Under what conditions has she been tolerant?
Most evident are the hiccups I have had under the influence of alcohol with a number of relapses.
Can you point out any other...
The details are not pleasant to write about. Embarrassing situations that I don’t feel would be good to share with a multitude of judges waiting to tear through our peaceful union.
What kind of support did she offer during such times?
She has never confronted me in anger or with an abusive tone or language. She prays with and for me. Even after the worst of my scandalous actions, she will say, “I believe you were made for greatness and I am waiting for the day when that will happen”.
Is there one instance you can point out vividly and how she handled it?
May I just consult with her about that. These are private family issues. I need consent. (After some consultations, he resumes). During one of my relapses, I went binge drinking where I would spend days and nights in bars or at homes of my buddies glued to the bottle. I don’t even recall what I would tell her over the phone. When the booze wore me out and I could not handle anymore, I headed home with a very bad hangover. On arrival, she would talk to me like I had never left the house. When the booze wore off, I had unwisely spent a large sum of money.
Any recollections of what you would tell her?
After lengthy lame explanations, she would cut me short and say it was okay and promised me that we would find a way out. She has never said another word about it to date. That’s about three years ago. That is not the worst.
What was going through your mind as your wife kept quiet about something that should have hurt her deeply?
Guilt. For every fault, I wondered and still wonder how come she didn’t blow up. She asked me a few weeks ago, ‘do you think I’ll explode one day?’ I said I hope not… ha ha ha...
Do you live together?
No, we do not live together. I live in Kampala while she lives in Kabale.
You are in Kampala and she is in Kabale...how is this working out?
For starters, she deserves to be unquestionably trusted. That I do. Kabale is not a visa away. In under six hours, we can be together. I am self-employed so I manage my time conveniently. Whatsapp also plays a big part of the equation all day. Bank of Uganda also sends her over to the capital for some errands and we take that advantage to unite. But I really hope she is considered for transfer because I want us to be a family and see her and the children every day.
How often do you see each other?
As often as possible. I lose count. It never goes beyond a month. And there is the annual leave from work. That is worth a wait.
How long has this routine been going on?
Two years now.
How do you feel about the distance?
I don’t like it in the least. Life just doesn’t feel right. It is lonely. I watch television alone, without my daughter climbing onto my back and asking endless questions. I can’t see our few-months-old boy growing. I sleep in that big bed alone. It is not easy.
By the way, how did you meet and where?
She used to work in an IT outlet at Span House. My office was at Sunset Arcade. Due to lack of full equipment for video coverage I had to go to a friend’s office in her building to borrow a camera to use when transferring video coverage to my computer.
That was almost daily. I would pass by her office to admire her but was too shy to make a move. One day I passed the same route and she was outside her office wearing a red skirt and matching top. It was a few weeks before Valentine’s Day. She smiled. That was the indication to say “Hi”. The rest is history.
When she smiled, what went through your mind?
Well, she always had that serious ‘don’t-approach-me' look and I had no intention of messing up any future chances. That smile told me I was welcome to say something. I did.
How did you turn her smile into your future prospects of winning her over?
I greeted her and asked if I could pass by occasionally to say hello and she was fine with it. I fulfilled that. We had lunch a couple of days later. On Valentine’s Day that year, I bought her a bouquet of flowers. She started passing by my office and I would escort her home after work.
Of the days you went out, which one stood out?
One Saturday evening stood out. We walked from Pioneer Mall to Kampala Serena Hotel. I wanted some privacy, so I asked her to come with me to the rooftop. I used to ask her if she had ever heard a certain song…it goes ‘as the passing years go by, you’ll always be beautiful, in my life’… still don’t know the artiste but it is my all-time favourite, Joshua Kadison’s Beautiful in my Eyes. She didn’t know it. When we get to the rooftop facing the pool side. There was a wedding going on. The groom was my OB from St Mary’s College Kisubi. The bride and groom marched in to my favourite song. It was like sealing every fantasy into reality. It was such an emotional moment for me that I envisioned marriage from that day forth. It wasn’t enough to lure her into a kiss though.
How did you take it on from that moment on?
We used to take pictures all the time. I bought and showered her with every kind of chocolate sold in this city and showed her to my mother. She wasn’t and isn’t the outing type and doesn’t drink alcohol so we didn’t do the going all about town arrangements. We would meet after work, and at home.
What was the first intimate connection you felt with her?
At the rooftop when it was just the two of us listening to that song. We held each other tight, though she didn’t give in to a kiss I wanted so badly, to ‘“seal the deal”.
As you held her and relished the moment, what were you whispering in her ears?
Nothing, boss. None of us said a word, but a communication more than words was taking place.
How did the night end?
I walked her to the taxi stage. She boarded a taxi and headed home. So did I. After she reads this, she will tell me what happened because she got home late that day. Her guardians are strict Christians.
How did you take it on from there?
We did bond after that. She moved into her own place as she completed her course in journalism. We saw seriousness in our relationship. Trust grew. We would go to church and I started meeting and knowing her friends and family. There was no hullabaloo or fireworks.
Did you wed officially?
Yes, it was official, at All Saints Cathedral, Nakasero. It was a Saturday, June 13, 2010. My best man Johnson Agababyona’s dad, Canon John Basingwire, wedded us. At the beginning of that year in January, we had decided to get married. We never went through the ceremonial engagement of rings and getting on one knee thing. One day after I had taken her to see a doctor, we agreed to get married. Little did she know she would get her engagement ring on the wedding day.
How did you prepare for the wedding?
With all the “politics” surrounding wedding arrangements, I decided to cut short the plans others had in mind. I called up my courageous best man and we went over the issue of the first visit to her family. Since she lost both her parents as a child and was raised by her grandfather, we had to go to Kashaari, Mbarara to fulfill that.
What was your mother’s reaction when you told her you were getting married?
I remember telling my mum my intentions and that arrangements had already been made. I asked to use her vehicle and she gave it to me. She fuelled it and wished me the best. We drove to their home just Rachael and I, only to be shocked at a full ceremony in motion. A quick entourage was organised by her aunt. It was time to discuss the wedding and I was being told to give it time. The given reason was that preparations and resources take time to mature. I discussed with Rachael about that and she didn’t mind not having a party to go with the occasion. Rachael and I drove to the church and booked date. I later went home and told my mother about the wedding. The shock was evident but I had put my foot on the ground.
What have been the highlights of your marriage thus far?
The births of our daughter and son.
How much adjustment did you make for your wife?
Many. It is like we were from two different worlds. Bad meets good. We were kind of opposites. My past was tainted with mischief while hers was enveloped in godliness.
Do you feel a better man today?
Better than I could ever imagine. I don’t just feel a better man today. God changed me. She supported that change by having a positive, optimistic attitude and noble character
What does it mean to be a father and husband?
It means I have responsibilities I must handle and a home to take care of. It means I should be love-driven, not emotionally driven. It means I’ve reached the final stage of manhood.
Good. What things do you do as lovers?
We go to church together, pray and play with the children when we are together.
We really can’t do much together because we are apart most of the time
Being a father and a husband opened my eyes to one major thing. The desire to stop underage drinking. I have done a lot of research on the subject and realised that it is important to start dealing with alcohol problems by prevention. As a father, I wouldn’t want to see my offspring going through the challenges of alcohol addiction and the consequences that follow. This led me to start a ‘Stop Underage Drinking Uganda campaign.’ As a father and a husband, I take on the responsibility to prevent every next generation from falling into the trap of alcohol-related degeneration.

Her story

Rachael Nsiimenta Kahirimbanyi Bekunda
How is your day?
My day is a good one.
How would you describe your husband?
He is a loving husband, very hard working man and a fantastic dad.
When and how did you meet him?
We met in 2007. We both worked at Span House, where we first became friends.
How did you become friends?
He used to pass by my work place every morning. He was one guy who would say hello every other day. He would always make me laugh. It was actually love at first sight. At first, I actually thought he was Kenyan but then I got to know he was a Mukiga. We became close friends.
Was tribe an important factor?
Not really. It was just the icing on the cake.
As you dated, what things did he do that got you crazy over him?
He is a down-to-earth person, he is God-fearing, very truthful and hard working. He would even “give me a push” from work in a taxi up to home. He is not like the men who show off even what does not belong to them.
At what point did you make up your mind to give your heart and all to Bill?
It was in 2009 when I realised that he was the man I should spend the rest of my life with, but I first prayed about it
What has your marriage journey been like?
It has been good though it has its ups and downs, just like any marriage.
What are some of the challenges your marriage has faced?
Not being together due to long distance. There are times when I would have to travel to Kampala every weekend.
He mentions that you have been a good partner when it came to his low moments of alcohol abuse...
I am born-again Christian, so I usually do more of praying. I am a person who when faced with challenges that I cannot control, I take it to God in prayer. Bill is human. He has his low moments so all I have to do is be patient.
What do you say to him or in which ways have you helped him out?
I would say to him. “I’ll love you no matter what”...Otherwise, I cook for him his favourite meal.
What’s his favourite meal?
Rice and chicken…well cooked chicken.
How does he like you to prepare his meal?
The soup has to be thick but not fried.
What moments do you enjoy with Bill?
I really enjoy every time I am with Bill because he makes me happy.
What does he do that makes you happy?
He is just a funny man. He knows how to crack jokes when I am feeling low. We pray together as couple and family. He is good with the children and he is a very good cook and a positive man.
What does he cook very well?
Rice, chicken, beans, fish. Only healthy foods.

What lessons can you share about your relationship?
I can say that true marriage is a bed of roses but there is no rose without a thorn. Patience is a key virtue. And above all, prayer, prayer and more prayer. Like any marriage, these lessons have helped us during our ups and downs.
Give us some specific instances
Those are private. They remain with family.
How do you share responsibility on raising your children?
We are guided by God. We have no written rules or guidelines.
How do you understand God?
God has been my solid rock and foundation. He is my source of everything.
How much presence is He in your life?
Every ounce of my being.