The kind of girls I want to drag to court
Jim is a brilliant lawyer and a bit of a Devil’s advocate. So, he was my first port of call when I needed someone to consult about a vexing issue. I wanted a brilliant person to help me build a legal case (have you noticed lawyers in UG are described thus?).
Yes, I am taking legal action against thousands, and perhaps millions. It is going to be a long, hard fight and I am ready for it. That is why I needed Jim, he has a leaning for the unusual, frivolous or seemingly impossible. This is me-against-the-world lawsuit that would interest him very much. From my little knowledge of legal jargon, it is a class action lawsuit—where one or several persons with a common interest in a matter sue a larger group of persons, referred to as “the class”.
In this instance, it is certain kinds of women I have issues with. And I have plenty of evidence to back up my case. It is a very strong case. I have been gathering photo evidence from Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest and wherever else these women have been. These are the women that I am taking to court for a cease-and-desist order (to stop whatever it is and not do it).
Picture Me: These ones post so many photos that you would think they are being paid to do so. They have posed in almost all the clothes in their wardrobes as well as in some of their friends’ clothes. And they tag as many people as they can in their photo-shoots. The annoying part is not only the many photos but the amateurish poses and the fact that they are not models.
TMI: Eh, these ones should have been at the top of the list. Too much information is their trade. Why would anyone tell us all that is happening in their ordinary lives? Then, take photos to “confirm” their tale. A day in the life of Ms TMI: I woke up with flu—photo, On the way to work—photo, At the office—photo, Going for a drink with my bestie—photo. The irritating bit is she will do it again the following day, and the next.
FB Mama: Oh, this one. If I had a gun, I would… No, that is extreme. If I had a cane, I would flog these ones at City Square. For some reason, these ones feel we have to know what their children are up to at every twist and turn. We know how they look like, their full names, where they go to school, when they have a cold, blah blah. Okay, we know you have children and you love them but leave the world out of your lives.
I-Was-Here: Ha, ha…these ones just amuse me but the jokes also wear thin. Somehow they have to create an impression in us that they are regulars at “exotic” places and “high profile” events indulging in bourgeoisie pursuits. The week goes like: Monday, at the Serena for lunch—selfie, Wednesday, wine and T-bone steak at Le Château—selfie, Friday, girls’ nite out at Acacia Mall—group selfie, Sunday, shooting clay pigeons at Ssisa. Oh sh*t, spare us the details.
For all these ones, Jim is ready and the court date is set. I will tell you when it is. For now, let me attend to more pressing matters like paying my water bill, otherwise it may go viral on Twitter.
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