Dear Heart to Heart, My wife is extremely beautiful but I think she lied to me about her education level. Her inability to speak fluent English ended up embarrassing me in front of my friends and colleagues. As a result, I have stopped taking her out with me, which has led to misunderstandings between us. Recently, I was tagged in a Facebook picture from an office party with a female colleague sitting next to me. My wife accused me of having an affair and cannot believe that we are just friends. I do not want to hurt her feelings by telling her that she embarrasses me in front of my friends. What should I do? Anonymous
Jane Mukasa. Marriage is the bonding of two individuals, physically and emotionally. Both partners must accept each other with their strengths and weaknesses. Accept your wife the way she is and assure her of your love as well as making her feel secure in this relationship.
Hadija Dija. You should introduce English as a language spoken at home for everyone, including the children. As you interact, keep correcting the simple grammar and tenses mistakes without offending anyone. For example, say honey, it sounds better if you say she has not woken up yet than saying waked up.
Ecun Giftson. I am actually embarrassed that you hold a foreign language in high esteem rather than your wife. A supportive husband is supposed to find a solution other than pushing her away. She will drift away from you if you are not careful.
Awor Fiona. Stop being selfish and enrol your wife for English classes. In less than a month, she will have improved. And please stop using your mother tongue at home so that this way, she is forced to speak and learn English.
Dorothy Flora Alaroker. We bring maids who cannot speak a word of English, let alone understand it and in two months, they are fluent. If you were honest with her and got her the necessary help she would even love you more.
Tendo Anne. When you love someone, it means you have accepted all his or her imperfections. This here sounds like a trophy wife kind of situation. You too, are not doing right by her. Be honest with her, tell her how you feel. Otherwise, as long as you keep not hanging out with her in public, the suspicions will keep building up on her side.
Carol Mukisa Cartnel. Well, people who do not know English also date and succeed in marriage. You can still speak your mother tongue when you go out. As for mistrust issues, just be faithful and tell her how your relationship should not be operated on social media. Language issues should not stop your relationship from thriving. Practice it at home and she will learn it with time as you correct her politely.
Benbella Turyamwijuka. I am even embarrassed reading this. It reminds me of my maid who uses English that is so broken we cut corners to avoid laughter. And correcting her is hard. So, I somehow get what you are saying. Also, since it is your wife, it is hard correcting her minus offending her but it is worth trying. She will thank you for it later in life.
Susie Ann Nants. There are various adult learning centres. Just open up to her and enrol her for English classes. Be supportive and make her fill comfortable to accept it.
Jane Frances. If English is not her first language, why do you complain? One can learn any language as long as they are willing and interested. If you really love her, teach her to avoid the embarrassment. Otherwise, even bringing it to the public is also embarrassing you and your beautiful partner.
Murungi Ivan Tumusiime Akiiki. So what language did you use to ask her out? You cannot date a woman even for a week without knowing her English capabilities.
Tna Woods. How come you are surprised by her command in English? Be humble for you are not married to your friends. If the environment is as easy as an outing, then it is okay to speak your mother tongue. Otherwise, you knew her level of English speaking while you dated her. Do not pretend that you and your friends are British all of a sudden.
Rose Namutosi. When you take her to meet your friends, be free and speak to her in your mother tongue. Your goal here is to please your wife and not your friends. About tagging, that is a normal thing but because of your sudden change in behaviour, she has also become suspicious and the reason she is blaming you. Be honest with your wife.
David Nsokwa. The beauty and strength of a partner is seen in the way the other partner strives to make them a better person. If you really loved your wife, you would have gone out of your way to make the best English speaker in the whole world. Guess you have other priorities. Focus on what is important here before you lose her love.
Counsellor’s say> Ali Male Mali, counselling psychologist at A to Z counselling services
Help her learn
Dear anonymous, you must be in a state of confusion and anger at the thought that your wife may have lied to you about her education yet it does not match your expectation.
It is important for you to reflect on how you got her. Did you do a reality check on her about communication, life skills, social and marital qualities. These would enable you have proper communication and live an enjoyable relationship. If there is a missing factor in any of these, this is the time you need to understand the kind of person you have.
It is important for you to measure the significance of the missing quality (poor English in this case) in your relationship and see what you can do about it.
If you are committed to her and do not want to lose her, be creative enough to help her get personal growth and development too. You can suggest that she goes back to school to attain the level you think will not embarrass her or keep introducing her to prominent people who will act as role models to her.
Help her build her self esteem so she can be the perfect match you need.