Museveni, oba your Kyambogo University egoyinga wa?

I made a grave mistake last Sunday. In a bid to make a return to the running trail, I decided to jog through Kyambogo University. You know Kyambogo University was set up to be the pinnacle of STEM in this country, and that for many years was Kyambogo’s brand. Whenever you mentioned a desire to pursue an engineering coure, there was only one university –Kyambogo. As I jogged through Kyambogo, it could not stop jogging through me. Something was just off.

You know Kyambogo is always caught in crossfires. The students have always been accused (albeit rightly) of being local (as though this is even a crime). But they always had something to redeem them, the reputation as a centre of excellence in the things that mattered. But that illusion could also be slipping away.

Again, this piece is not meant to be too serious, it is meant to be playful, but then it is Kyambogo we are talking about here, it is the next generation of our country. Let us divert a bit. Not much, but a bit.

For the first time, this piece is being written as an appeal to the Alpha and Omega of Uganda, the longest of longest, the one that sits on the iron throne, the one whose wisdom surpasses all, the one and only President Museveni. Please Mr President, if I left out any titles, I am willing to re-write this appeal.

Here is the plan Mr President. Before I go further to tell you about the issues at your Kyambogo, I have a proposal. That one of these days, when you are not so caught up with the issues of peasants and ekibaalo and obwinazi, I propose you join me on a tour of your university. You may have excuses mbu simanya you need a supplementary budget for fuel. Do not worry about these things. I have some ka-money to fuel my ka-second hand car. It is never dirty. My mechanic has just overhauled it, I can reserve the front or back seat for you. You could even drive it (but I don’t know your experience with Subarus and all things that move fast and fly).

In fact, if you do not mind, we could instead do a boda boda or taxi. If you choose to do a boda boda, get out via that Sheraton gate and tell the boda guy to bring you to Banda stage, I can pick you up from there. If not, I can come pick you up from Nakasero, we slope down to Jinja-Kampala Road, and grab those taxis that are singing ‘Bweyogerere-Kireka-Banda.’ We shall get out at the Banda stage then walk through Banda all the way to Kyambogo University. After all, you are a fit old man. Those press-ups are not for nothing.

“What about my security?” you may ask. Mr President, I have thought about these things. I will guarantee your security. I can make an arrangement with Alien Skin and we borrow security by knuckle from Champion Gudo. But we must book in advance, with enkola and other things, we could find nga those boys bayisekko dda. So do not worry about small matters. For your lunch, I will guarantee a full meal of kikomando and some katunda. You see, I know the things you want Mr President. Not those people who keep showing off. But that is not the big matter of the day.

We shall start off at the performing arts building. Indeed, the facilities there are just performing. From here, we shall ignore those halls. You talk about patriotism, so it does not matter where wanainchi sleep. Those are not the important things. But there are important things. Why would a top public university in this modern world have to grapple with murram roads? And dust for that matter? I thought we are producing intellectuals and civil engineers? If the students and their lecturers cannot solve the problems of their universities, how are they going to solve the problems of the world? What explains the faded coats of painting at the engineering department? Can these students maintain anything in the real world? Charity starts at home; we were always told. The revolution of excellence must be exhibited at Kyambogo.

Someone will argue that these are old facilities, they are being rehabilitated. What about the new ones that are falling apart? Those new projects where drainages were not completed. Or are we about to hear the commonest engineering excuse; ‘this was picked as part of the snags for the contractor.’

But maybe Mr President you want it this way. But if it were up to me, your self-appointed advisor (since Buchaman has quit, I chose to cover this gap), I suggest a quick shut-down of your university. It is high time we decide whether we want to have a university or not. Because from what I saw that ka primary school of Hillside is being run better than a public university. And that is a big problem. We could use the Kyambogo grounds for other things. Concert venue? We could even give this to our top billionaire, Mr. Ham, to set up the next excuse of a shopping mall. For now, oba, your Kyambogo University is goyingi wea?

Twitter: ortegatalks