Cheating is not normal and no one should tell you otherwise

The level of permissiveness in our society is one of the things that keep me awake at night. We cannot be a society that welcomes everything and anything. We have become the people the sages cautioned against; we do not stand for anything so we fall for everything. Take infidelity for instance, which we have normalised so much that the generation coming after us will think that that is what relationships look like. In fact, nowadays, there is a certain glamour that comes with being a side piece or having one. I, for one, think allowing to become someone’s second best is an indication of underlying emotional problems that are best handled on a psychiatrist’s couch.

But the most vital issue should be the untold emotional strife it causes to the innocent partner. It has been proven that spouses of cheaters suffer from anxiety, depression and post traumatic disorder. Over time, they lose self-esteem, become disoriented and are likely to end up abusing drugs or alcohol as they try to make sense of their lives. They struggle to reconcile the fact that their partner did not only lie to them, but to God, their families and friends. Because you see, on that blessed event when two become one, the priest asks the couple whether they are ready to forfeit all others and stay together for life. This to me seems like the perfect time to think twice about the life you are about to walk in and back out. But every couple always answers in the affirmative and even signs a contract to the same.

So from the start, marriage, especially in Christianity is hinged on the understanding that the partners will be faithful and loyal to each other until the end. It is therefore, quite baffling that when a spouse starts cheating and the other puts up a fight, the latter is considered naïve or even selfish. It is not naivety to expect someone to adhere to a legal binding contract. Neither is it selfish to hold one’s partner to a higher standard than animals.

They were tempted, their partner is not enough, they were looking for a little fun on the side are all the flimsy excuses people use to defend infidelity. If we are expected to cut them some slack depending on these reasons, then our courts should close their doors because these are the same things that motivate criminals that stand trial every day.

Do these philanderers ever consider the trickle down effects of their careless behaviour? Not only does this cause a rift in the family but it leaves lasting emotional effects on their offspring. It starts with poor performance in school and then low self-esteem in adulthood. Children from such families are more likely to have addiction problems and become abusive to their partners in future. Honestly, where is the fun in this? In a country where we have many special interest groups, I think there should be one dedicated to taking care of the spouses and offspring of cheaters because they do need the extra help.

Every behaviour should be reinforced by its effects. For instance, we know that savings and investments create wealth and they should, therefore, be preached from the rooftops. But I am yet to hear anything good that ever came from philandering. Look at what it did to King David; a man after God’s heart.

What is it going to take for us to get it into our minds that cheating is the beginning of bigger problems? And if you stood in front of God and all that is scared to you and promised to be faithful but later changed your mind, why does it surprise you that things are not going your way? After all, the Bible tell us that if you are faithful with little, you will be rewarded with more. What can be less than staying faithful to someone you claim to love?

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