How do I get my wife to stop eating from my plate?
What you need to know:
- Her behaviour might also signify fear of not getting enough and this is only a hypothesis. If it is a kind of mannerism, then it could have come up due to such fears. Almost every individual has something they do and are not aware how much it affects others.
My wife does this thing where, when we go out to eat, she will eat off my plate even if we order the same food. She acts like it is playful and cute but it genuinely annoys me. Yesterday at dinner, after ordering food, she totally ignored hers and started taking bite after bite of mine. This annoyed me so much that I handed her the plate. At home, we ended up in a fight with her saying I made her feel like a pig by giving her the plate and asking why I make it such a big deal. I told her that if it is the bonding she likes, we can do it in other ways. Now she is annoyed and says she does not want to go out to eat anymore. How do I tell her to stop picking food from my plate? Derrick
Dear Derrick,
This seems to bring stress in your relationship. Most relationships start on a high that even when your partner acts silly, you will not see any problem with it. Relationship experts say that at this moment the Euphoria coming from the feel good hormones is high.
Unfortunately, this stage is the shortest. When reality sets in, this is when for the first time, we see defects that had prior not been as apparent as they appear now.
This is normal since life too is not static; we keep evolving. Looking at your wife’s behaviour, it seems she is doing what she deems normal. We are all different due to our backgrounds and what we have been exposed to growing up.
Her behaviour might also signify fear of not getting enough and this is only a hypothesis. If it is a kind of mannerism, then it could have come up due to such fears. Almost every individual has something they do and are not aware how much it affects others. Sometimes, one might be fortunate to be told or even be self-aware.
Also, our personalities differ and of course this is one of the chief causes of conflict in relationships. Eating off your plate might be one way of trying to play or bond according with you, although this puts you off. This can be handled by not taking it as a personal attack. Find time and in a non-confrontational way, discuss the behaviour with your wife.
Listen to her side of the story. Tell her how this makes you feel.
Because you are two different people, it is likely to find one or two things that might not work for you. However, what makes it possible for two different people to live together is how they solve conflicts.
Shouting and raising voices at each other only escalates the issue. If you realise that the behaviour triggers your emotions, then it is good to discuss this amicably before you go out again as a couple.
Just in case you are not able to work this out on your own, consult a relationship therapist to help you both come up with an amicable solution.
Evelyn Kharono Lufafa is a counselling psychologist with Sermotherapy Counselling Foundation
