It really bothers me that my girlfriend is a tomboy

What you need to know:

I have tried all possible ways to lure her into becoming a normal female in vain. I even bought her feminine clothes only to realise she gave them to her friends

I thought I was ready to love my girlfriend of three years the way she is but I feel her tomboy character is unbearable. She is interested in only manly stuff. I have tried all possible ways to lure her into becoming a normal female in vain. I even bought her feminine clothes only to realise she gave them to her friends. I fear introducing her to my relatives and friends because of her male dress code. What should I do to transform/help her because I do not want to lose her?


Dear Paul,

Dear Paul, looks like you are in a dilemma .A lot of decision making to be made here. You might have to go back to the drawing board and find out, what in the first place attracted you to her? I am sure this will enable you to think through.

Everyone has a bottom line of the person that would attract them and they make a move to get them.  However sometimes people have different interests and if they meet the right people, they do settle down. Take some time off and discuss with your girlfriend first what you love about her and then let her know how her tomboy behaviour affects you.

Listen to her side of the story of how she came to be like a tomboy. Tapping into this place might allow for a more accommodative behaviour and empathy. The conversation should be non-judgmental to enable her to tell her story.

Be open minded, remember she has a right to either accept or refuse your suggestion. Explore further about why you would prefer her to consider being more feminine.

Make a decision of either accepting her the way she is or start planning on how to move on. It is not easy to change someone else’s behavior. This alone suggests that you have different values and what you wish to see in this relationship might be categorically different.

There is another option of seeking relationship counseling together with your girlfriend to have an open but safe space of you discussing this together with your girlfriend. This is one way of enabling you to make an informed decision.


Do not leave, let him go

Melvin Nasasira. You miss the whole point of being in a relationship when you choose to focus on the negatives. I am sure there are many things you love about your girlfriend such as her kindness, work ethic, and pretty eyes, among others. Focus on those and try to ignore her manly character. Try to love her the way she is, she will change gradually without even you noticing but this will not happen if you continue nagging her about it.

Peter Junior Eriaku. I thought you were supposed to love her the way she is. That is the point of true love. It seems you are just looking for an excuse to end the relationship.

Chiamaka Nweke. Buy her the things she loves often. She will appreciate them. But when you buy her the things she hates, sometimes she will also get used to them. That is how change starts.

Dickson Sserwadda. At least if she does not sleep around with other men. What she wears is a minor issue; she will gradually change as she gets older.

Immy Kansiime. Please do not lose that girl, she will change with time. For instance, when she gets pregnant, she may automatically be forced to wear dresses and the like. Wish you well with her.

Benatyap Didam Mussa. You never loved her. You only wanted to change her to prove a point. Otherwise, you know her as a tomboy before asking her out. This simply means you have accepted her that way. Why the sudden change?

Robin Akemkwene. Sorry brother, it is possible for a person to instil the kind of character they want in a partner because no one is perfect. You choose and cut the excesses to fit you but if you have tried and devised all means and the results are ineffective, it is high time you walked away because you cannot have a partner you fear to be identified with.

Ritah Liz Nakasi. You are meant to love her for who she is. Why do men always want women to change? Go find someone of the character you want.

Biacy Peace Tushemereirwe. The good thing is that she did not hide her character from you. So, you either bear with her or let her go.

Joan Joanah. Why do you think you can change her and why do you want to do it? If you cannot love her the way she is, just look around, someone is always there, she will also get someone who will feel comfortable with her tomboy outfits.

Evelyn C karono Lufafa, Counseling psychologist