My boyfriend loves football more than me

My boyfriend and I have been dating for the last one year. I started the relationship well aware that he loves watching football. However, lately, he leaves me in the house to go watch matches. When I asked why he does not watch the games at home, he said he cannot concentrate while watching a game with me, yet, before we started dating, he would even forego matches to be with me. I sacrifice a lot just to be with him but I feel I cannot compete with football anymore. What can I do?

Catherine

Dear Catherine ,

This must be a frustrating situation for you. It is common to find that one partner has a strong love for their hobby that it almost seems as if it means more to them than their partner. It would be ideal to share a hobby but then this is not always the case for most couples.

However, these differences make a unique union between a man and a woman. Consider some of the following options for your situation:

Communicate

Communicate clearly about how you feel. Be specific about the times you feel lonely and neglected and how it used to be different. Being clear enables your partner to reflect upon your words.

Emphasis should be more towards problem solving than blaming. It can be tempting blame him for preferring football over you.

Do not give into that temptation because it will only fuel conflict and unending arguments. Remember no one wants to be told what to do. You can suggest to him alternating activities. Research shows that quality time often improves the well-being of a relationship. Discuss about scheduling quality time together with an allowance for the time for football considering it is his hobby.

Educate yourself

Be open minded and try to be flexible. Your husband’s love for football can change according to age and stage of life. Even if some situations appear as if they will last forever, they usually resolve themselves. You can choose to let him enjoy the game until he decides to change on his own.

Your partner has confessed that he cannot watch from home because you distract him. Try to learn more about the game on your own, this way you will be able to hold interesting conversations with him instead of interrupting him with questions during matches.  Boredom could be one of the reasons he prefers watching from outside home, cultivate more interest and offer to go with him when goes to watch from outside.

Keep yourself busy

Remember to enjoy your own interests. For starters, having different interests from your partner allows you to become a more well-rounded person.  Even as partners, you are individuals and it is unlikely that you will do everything together.

Let not football overshadow your interests. You can maintain your hobbies and have fun with friends. This will also reduce the anxiety that comes with worrying about why and what your partner is doing in your absence.

Compromise

Compromise is also a sign of compatibility.  Under some circumstances, it is okay to have differing ideas as long as you agree on many more activities.

Look at the big picture. Does he make you feel loved in other aspects of life? Does he care about you? Considering other aspects enables you to focus on the positive side and reduces the concern over football.

A healthy relationship requires balance and effort from both partners. If after talking openly, things do not improve, you may need to consider professional couples counselling to help you navigate the issue in deeper and safer way.

READER ADVICE

It is not that big a deal

Brenda Apio. How can you complain over someone watching football? First of all, football matches last only 90 minutes unless Manchester United playing, which usually goes to 120 minutes plus some penalties around the corner. Secondly, matches are a few times a week.  Stop making a fuss over small things .

Talk to him

Nicodemas Anthem Dictionary. Sit him down and explain how this hurts you. If that does not work try staying away for a while so he misses you enough to want to stay with you instead of leaving you to go watch matches.

Get a hobby

Teddie Khush.  You should have been used to that by now. Your man is not cheating on you but only watches matches and it concerns you? Get a hobby that will occupy you during that time.

Get used to it

Jonnah Tusasirwe. My man plays football every Thursday from 9pm to 4am and Sunday the whole day. He goes and comes back and finds me fine. I am used to it. I know every Thursday night and Sunday daytime he is away and that is it. If you cannot put up with yours leave him for someone who can stand him.

Get a life

Harrie Alicia. Well my other half does the same and we support different teams. Try and be comfortable alone and do things that you like to do as well when he is watching his game. Find a life outside that relationship. You cannot be together all the time. I love when he goes to play football for nearly four hours and I have time for myself and most of the time we watch the games together. It gets worse when our teams are playing against each other.

Let him be

Derrick Muganza. Separating your man from football is like removing his testicles from his scrotal sack. Please let him be or tag along to the sports bar in your chic jersey for the team he supports. That will even strengthen your bond.

Give him his freedom

Patrice Paddy. He does not go to watch football daily, so spend time with him on the days there are no matches and give him freedom on match days.

Move out

Denis Kimbugwe. But he is just a boyfriend not your husband, why are you staying with him? Is this a trial marriage? You are going to lose him because in your trial marriage he will realise you are a control freak. First move out until you get married then you can complain. As far as he is concerned he is single and has a right to go anywhere he wants.

He could do worse

Olivia Nabuloli. I just want to know one thing, do you not have any hobby? He loves football and I am sure there is something you love. Just try embracing the similarities and accepting the differences. He could be doing worse things,  be happy it is only football.

Evelyn Kharono Lufafa, Counselling psychologist