The more forgiven, the less trusted you are

Thursday August 20 2020

Our behaviour is our choice and we should be willing to accept the reaction we deserve. PHOTO | SHUTTERSTOCK

Hurting someone and expecting forgiveness each time is like withdrawing from your bank account and still expecting it to stay the same without depositing more money.

She might forgive you today and tomorrow and perhaps next week, but eventually you will run out of luck and her love for you will begin to deteriorate. She will no longer trust you and your plea for forgiveness will just be like an empty sound.

Love is all about impressing and making someone happy, not hurting them and blaming the devil every chance you get. Our behaviour is our choice and we should be willing to accept the reaction we deserve.

Mark cheated on his wife a few months into their marriage and when he was caught, he begged for forgiveness which he finally got after a few weeks. He played the good husband, but not for so long.

After some time, he was caught again and this time he blamed the woman claiming that she threw herself at him. Poor Liz the wife forgave him again. This went on for about two years and eventually Liz became hard stoned.

She was no longer spending nights crying and trying to ask where he had spent the night or why a certain woman in his office gave her attitude when she took him lunch. She became the wife Mark wanted, and he was feeling supreme since now he could do all he wanted without expecting interrogation from the wife.


Liz tried to involve the elders, but their advice only worked for a short while. She pressed the ‘I give up’ button but Mark was so busy to even realise it. She suspended her plans of having a child with him because she knew that their child would not be able to grow up with both parents. She prepared herself mentally and emotionally for a divorce.

On their third anniversary, he bought her a car as a gift for being a patient and understanding wife. Much as she was impressed by the gesture, this did not change her mind about the marriage. It was obvious that no matter how many times she forgive him, the cycle was never going to end. So at the dinner, Liz served Mark with the divorce papers and she was surprised that she was no longer moved by his tears.

Liz had cried more in the three years of marriage than she had ever cried and all she wanted was for him to stop hurting her. She forgave him with hopes that he would be the husband she hoped for but no, Mark just seemed to be deaf to her pleas and blind to her cries. She had reached a point of no return, and regardless of what the elders said, she was done with forgiving a person who did not respect the effort.

She was not angry with him, she actually offered him friendship, but the romantic bones had finally collapsed, and the love boat had sunk. So, as you keep asking for forgiveness, remember that at a certain point, the forgiving bank will dry up and you will be forgiven and forgotten forever.